|
親愛的安妮：媽媽寄給我您的一篇專欄文章，其中提到了上司推卸責任的問題，不過我的問題有些不太一樣。我八月份找到一份新工作，總體上我比較喜歡這份工作。只是有一點，我的上司每當面對壓力的時候（幾乎大部分時間），就愛對同事大吼大叫。當然，他并不是辱罵、侮辱下屬，只不過他非常容易激動，而且說話聲音很大。 ????對此我很不習慣，這種情況讓我不知所措。每當有人對我大聲叫喊的時候，我總是無法集中精力，而且不能明智地回答問題。包括我在內，他一共只有兩名下屬，另外一位已經在公司工作很長時間了，每當上司對他吼叫的時候，他會對他說：“等你冷靜下來給我打電話，我們到時候再談。”然后就離開房間。我可不敢那么做，但我也不想對他喊叫。那么，我應該怎么辦？您有什么其他建議嗎？——Q.P. 親愛的Q.P.：你的同事似乎掌握了訣竅。在任何談判中——沒錯，這種情況也是談判的一種——隨時可以離開的一方握有最大的主動權，即使只是短暫的離開。斯蒂芬?P?科恩說：“有人對你吼叫時，效果最差的應對方法便是以牙還牙，用大聲叫喊來還擊。如果一方情緒激動，而另一方能保持冷靜，那么冷靜的一方就掌握了更多優勢。”而技巧在于如何利用這種優勢。 ????科恩是咨詢公司談判技巧公司（The Negotiating Skills Company）的總裁，并著有一本新書《實用談判技巧》（The Practical Negotiator: How to Argue Your Point, Plead Your Case, and Prevail in Any Situation）。他表示，有的人會故意用大聲叫喊作為威嚇他人的策略，而你的上司聽起來似乎“已經失控，需要好好學習如何應對壓力。” ????“他可能正為工作之外的私人問題焦頭爛額，結果影響了工作中的表現。但你沒有責任做他的治療師。”——所以，如果你有這樣的打算，趁早放棄。 ????相反，科恩建議你嘗試一下下面的策略： ????1. 保持沉默。科恩表示：“一言不發地坐在那里，臉上面無表情，或者帶著揶揄的表情，是一種很好的方式，可以表達出某人所說的話或者大聲叫喊的說話方式令你感到厭惡。”等到他冷靜下來，不再叫喊的時候，再繼續你們的討論。 ????2. 平靜地解釋他的叫喊為什么令你煩惱。如果你感覺自己不得不說出來，可以這樣表達：“每當有人對我大聲叫喊的時候，我就很難集中精力。我感覺我們并不是在溝通。”指出問題令你的上司感到尷尬，從而迫使他降低音量的可能性不大，但即便如此，表達出自己的想法，可以讓你不會再像以前那樣手足無措。 ????3. 輕聲說話。科恩發現非常有效的一種方式是，“用非常輕柔緩慢的聲音說話。讓他聽你說，甚至在關鍵內容上，他會要求你提高音量。”這種方法之所以有效，有兩個原因。首先，可以分散對方對壓力的關注，使他將注意力轉移到真正需要關注的地方，也就是你們正在討論的內容；其次，雙方聲音之間的強烈對比也會讓他降低音量跟你說話。 |
Dear Annie: My mom sent me your column about working for a manager who blames everybody else for his mistakes, but I have a somewhat different problem. I started a new job in August, and for the most part I really like it here. The thing is, I report to someone who yells when he's under pressure (which is most of the time). He's not being abusive or insulting, he's just extremely emotional and loud. ????I'm not used to this, and it leaves me dumbstruck. I can't concentrate well enough to answer intelligently when someone is hollering at me. The only other person who reports to this manager, and who has been here a long time, responds by saying, "Call me when you've calmed down and we'll talk," and then leaves the room. I don't quite have the nerve to do that, and I don't want to yell back, so can you suggest some other ways to handle this? — Quieter, Please Dear Q.P.: It seems your colleague is on to something. In any negotiation -- and make no mistake, this situation qualifies as one -- the person who is ready to walk away, even if only for the moment, holds most of the power. "The least effective thing you can do is fight emotion with emotion by yelling back at someone who's yelling at you," says Steven P. Cohen. "If one party is emotional and the other stays calm, the unemotional one has far more leverage." The trick is learning how to use it. ????Cohen is president of a consulting firm called The Negotiating Skills Company and author of a new book, The Practical Negotiator: How to Argue Your Point, Plead Your Case, and Prevail in Any Situation. He notes that, while some people use yelling as a deliberate strategy to intimidate others, your boss sounds more like "someone who's out of control and needs help learning how to cope with stress. ????"He may also be dealing with personal problems, outside the office, that affect his behavior at work. But it's not your job to be his therapist" -- so, if you're ever tempted to go there, don't. ????Instead, Cohen recommends you try one or more of these tactics: ????1. Say nothing. "Sitting there with a poker face or a quizzical expression, in absolute silence, is sometimes a good way to communicate that what someone just said -- or, in this case, how loudly he said it -- is offensive to you," Cohen notes. Wait until he runs out of steam and stops shouting before you continue the discussion. ????2. Calmly explain why his yelling bothers you. If you feel you have to speak, you could say something like, "When someone yells at me like this, it's very hard for me to concentrate. I feel as if we're really not communicating." There's an outside chance that pointing out the problem will embarrass him into lowering his voice, but even if not, having expressed what you're thinking will make you feel less like a deer in his headlights. ????3. Talk very softly. An approach that Cohen has often seen work is to "talk in a very soft voice, slowly," he says. "Make him listen to you, even to the point where he asks you to speak a little louder." This can be effective for two reasons. First, it distracts the yeller from whatever is stressing him out and shifts his attention to the content of the discussion, where it belongs; and, second, the glaring contrast between your voice and his might cause him to talk to you more quietly. |
最新文章