????已婚女士是否應該有一個丈夫無法使用，甚至根本不知情的“小金庫”？這種問題我認為有點危險，頗引人側目。因此，在聽到《離婚：應從財務而非感情角度考慮》一書作者杰夫?蘭德斯對此果斷給出肯定答復時，我大吃一驚。事實上，他認為設立小金庫“在某種程度上是積極的，可以鞏固婚姻。”

????很顯然，許多女性對此感同身受，甚至這種觀點在男性中可能更流行。據普林斯頓調查研究協會近期為CreditCards.com進行的一項研究顯示，720萬美國人（男性440萬人，女性280萬人）擁有配偶或同居伴侶不知情的銀行賬戶或信用卡。

????首先，我要鄭重聲明，我是經濟獨立的堅定支持者。我曾在許多文章中表明過我的觀點，我認為婚姻或者其他長期關系中的雙方都應該保持一定程度的經濟獨立。我有兩個理由，首先，我不認為只要你嫁給（或者愛著）某個人，你們就將擁有同樣的欲望和需求。每個人都應該有一定金額的自主消費權，不需要獲得對方的同意，只要這筆支出不會影響家庭財政健康即可。（到底多少金額合適？稍后會談到這個問題。）其次，每個人都應該知道如何管理自己的財富。自己的賬戶或名下有錢可以幫助培養理財能力。只有手中握有賭注的時候，你才更有可能參與到游戲當中。

????但是提到小金庫，我的疑問就來了。擅長離婚領域的認證理財規劃師莉莉?瓦斯萊夫也有同感。她表示：“保密的想法會亮起警告信號。你將某件事對配偶保密，意味著你擔心被對方發現……這種保密的想法越多，婚姻中的裂痕就會變得越深。”蘭德斯也認同，一旦被發現，本可以用來鞏固婚姻（讓你們可以不必為錢的問題爭論）的秘密儲備，會產生截然相反的效果。“如果被對方發現，這件事本身就會導致婚姻問題。”

????那么，正確的做法是什么？

????保持經濟獨立，但要開誠布公。如果你已結婚很長時間，但最近才有這樣的想法，你可以提出要有自己的錢，但同時也要堅持讓對方也這樣做，比如通過共有賬戶的方式。然后，要循序漸進，齊心協力為每個賬戶中存入資金。如果你們剛剛確立關系，你在考慮合并一些資產，其他資產依舊為各自所有，要開誠布公地談論這個問題。你要認識到，在一段時間之后，如果你們將資產混合在一起，它們可能會變成夫妻共有財產，所以你必須謹慎處理。最后，去見律師。你們需要簽署一份婚前協議。

????自己保留多少錢合適？這要取決于你的財政狀況。養家要放在首位，然后是積蓄（用于短期應急的流動性賬戶，以及用于長期目標的儲蓄，如IRA和401(k)退休計劃等）。此時，你可以開始將一部分錢轉入自己的賬戶。蘭德斯的客戶都是正在經歷離婚的女性，所以他的觀點無疑有一定的偏向性。他建議，個人賬戶中的金額應該保證你在必要時有錢聘用律師。不同地區的律師費在5000美元至3萬美元不等。

????劃清界限。如果你既希望保持經濟獨立，又想合并雙方的資產。一項有效的策略是提出一個數字——比如100美元或500美元。當然，這同樣要視自己的財政狀況而定——雙方同意在沒有經過事先討論之前不會越線（比如花銷方面）。

????在離婚中，隱瞞資產是禁忌。如果你們最終決定分開，你需要坦白承認對方不知情的資產，這是理所當然的。瓦斯萊夫表示：“在離婚過程中，你必須盡早向自己和對方的律師披露隱瞞的資產。你不可能永遠隱瞞下去。如果你試圖這么做，你將面臨欺詐風險。不論是100美元、1000美元還是數萬美元，都不值得你為之冒險。”（財富中文網）

????凱麗?胡爾特格林也為本文貢獻了她的想法。

????譯者：劉進龍/汪皓

????審校：任文科

????Should a married woman have a slush fund…a stash of cash that her spouse doesn’t have access to and maybe doesn’t even know about? That’s the sort of question I would expect to raise eyebrows, if not big red flags. Which is why I was bowled over when Jeff Landers, author of Divorce: Think Financially, Not Emotionally, answered with an emphatic yes. In fact, he believes that doing so can be “empowering in a way that actually strengthens your marriage.”

????Evidently many women — and even more men, for that matter — feel the same way. According to a recent study conducted by Princeton Research Associates for CreditCards.com, 7.2 million Americans (4.4 million men and 2.8 million women to be precise) have a bank account or credit card that their spouse or live-in partner doesn’t know about.

????For the record, I’m a big fan of separate money. I’ve written extensively about the fact that I think both parties in a marriage, or other long-term relationship, should maintain a degree of financial autonomy. My reasons are two-fold. First, I don’t think that just because you marry (or love) someone you automatically start sharing the same exact list of wants and needs. Each person should be able to spend a certain amount of money without asking the other for permission, as long as it doesn’t impact the health of the family’s finances. (How much is that certain amount? More on that in a minute.) Second, every individual should have some sense of how to manage his or her own money. Having money in your own account or own name helps foster that. Once you have a stake in the game, you’re more likely to participate.

????But secret money? With that, I have an issue. Lili Vasileff, a certified financial planner specializing in divorce, agrees. “The idea of a secret puts up a flag,” she says. “The idea of something being secret is that you’re fearful of being discovered…the more this idea of secrecy starts to creep in, the more you’re driving a wedge through your marriage.” Even Landers cops to the fact that if you’re caught, the secret stash you created to strengthen your marriage (by enabling you to stop squabbling over money) could backfire. “If your spouse finds out, that in and of itself could cause a marital problem.”

????So what to do?

????Separate but open. If you’ve been married for a while and this is something new, raise the topic of having some of your own money, but insist you want the same for your spouse in the form of yours-mine-and-ours accounts. Then, walk before you run, slowly funding each account in tandem. If you’re in a newer relationship and you’re considering merging some assets but keeping others separate, talk through it honestly. Recognize that if you co-mingle assets down the road, they will likely become marital, so you need to tread carefully. Then, see an attorney. This is what a pre-nup is for.

????How much is enough? Of course this depends upon your financial situation. You have to fund your household first, then focus on savings (both for short-term emergencies in a liquid account, and long-term goals like retirement in your IRAs and 401(k)s). At that point you can start moving money into your individual accounts. Landers, whose perspective is no doubt colored by the fact that he spends his time working solely with women, who are going through difficult divorces, suggests making sure there’s enough in your stash to engage an attorney should you need to. That’s anywhere from $5,000 to $30,000, depending on where you live.

????Draw a line in the sand. If you are going to try to maintain autonomy and merged assets simultaneously, one strategy that helps is to come up with a number – it could be $100 or $500. Again, it depends on your financial situation – that you agree not to cross (i.e. spend) without discussing it first.

????Hiding assets in a divorce is a no-no. Finally, this goes without saying, but should you ever decide to split, you’re going to need to come clean. Says Vasileff: “It has to be disclosed at some point early on in the divorce process — to that person’s own attorney and to the other side. It’s not as if you can keep it hidden forever. And if you try, you run the risk of fraud. Whether you’re talking about a silly $100, $1000, or tens of thousands, it’s not worth running the risk.”

????Kelly Hultgren contributed to this report.