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????親愛的安妮：提出這個問題，讓我感到難堪，但我就是那1/4中的一員，希望你（或你的讀者）能給我一些幫助。幾周前，我的老板給我做了年終考評，那簡直是一場災難。他解釋說，雖然我的工作“很出色“，沒有給我一直期待的升職是因為我“太情緒化”，不能勝任更高一級的管理工作。他特別提到，有一、兩次我在極度壓力之下，曾經當眾放聲大哭。 ????更糟糕的是，當他向我宣布不能升職這一出乎我意料的決定時，我的淚水又一次奪眶而出。我是我們公司目前唯一的一位女性部門主管。我討厭人們總是強化女性“柔弱”、“情緒化”的僵化認知，特別是我根本就不柔弱。但我在極度壓力之下總是會哭。我就是止不住淚水。有什么方法補救嗎？——水彈 ????親愛的水彈：這個世界上有很多像你這樣的人，知道這一點或許能讓你感覺好一點。安妮?克里默在撰寫她的新書《職場情緒管理》（It's Always Personal: Navigating Emotion in the New Workplace）時，曾與廣告公司智威湯遜（JWT）合作，就“情緒在職場中的作用”對商業人士進行了廣泛調查。 調查有很多有意思的發現，包括：約25%的職場人對極度壓力的反應是哭泣。女性中這一比例更是高達41%。 ????“這不是說男性不會在壓力下哭。當然他們也哭，”曾擔任Nickolodeon執行副總裁兼全球創意總監的克里默說。 “但（男性和女性的）身體反應有差異。男性可能會有眼淚涌上來，但他們可以通過眨眼來抑制淚水。女性的淚管相對較細，淚水更可能溢出流到臉頰上，”結果，大家都能看到她在流淚。 ????好哭不一定會終結一個人的職業生涯。不信？用谷歌（Google）搜索一下“約翰?博納哭”。無論你怎么看待（美國眾議院議長）博納的政治主張，他在這一領域都算得上相當成功。 ????雖然在很多工作場合喜怒形于色仍然被視為禁忌，你對這一點肯定很清楚，但克里默的研究令她相信這一點可能正在緩慢地發生變化，原因有三。第一，近些年來情緒作為一項科學探索領域，已獲得更多尊重。“它真的很新，”克里默說。“如今我們從神經和生化角度理解情緒反應，以及它們對包括決策在內的生活各個方面造成的影響。”因此，她說：“把情緒留在家中，在工作中保持完全理性，這樣的舊模式顯然不現實。” ????從另一個原因來看，這樣做也是不現實的。“我們在文化層面上已經發生了改變，”克里默指出。“我們現在擁有每天24小時、每周7天的不間斷科技服務，時時刻刻收到來自各方的信息。因此，工作和家庭更加不可分割地交織在一起。”在工作和家庭這兩個場合不斷切換時，關閉或抑制個人情緒對于很多人來說還是一項有待掌握的技能。 |
????Dear Annie: I am really embarrassed to even be asking this question, but I am in a quandary here and am hoping you (or your readers) can help. A couple of weeks ago, my boss gave me my year-end evaluation and it was a disaster. He explained that, while my work is "fantastic," I'm not getting a promotion I had been counting on because I am "too emotional" to move up to the next level of management. He was referring specifically to a couple of times when I was under extreme pressure and burst into tears with other people watching. ????Making matters worse, when he dropped this bombshell about the promotion on me, I teared up again. Right now, I'm the only female department head at my company, and I really hate reinforcing the old stereotypes about women being "weak" and "emotional," especially since I am not weak at all. But I have cried in stressful situations all my life. I can't seem to help it. Is there any way to fix this? —Waterworks ????Dear W.: It might help a little to know that you've got plenty of company. In researching her new book, It's Always Personal: Navigating Emotion in the New Workplace, Anne Kreamer teamed up with ad agency JWT to survey a wide range of businesspeople (of both genders) about the role of emotion where they work. Among the many interesting findings: About 25% of the working population overall is made up of people who respond to extreme stress by crying. Among women, it's 41%. ????"That's not to say that men don't cry under pressure. Of course they do," says Kreamer, who is a former executive vice president and worldwide creative director at Nickolodeon. "But there are physical differences. A man may start to tear up and then blink back his tears. Women have smaller tear ducts, so the tears are more likely to spill out onto their cheeks," where everyone can see them. ????Nor is puddling up now and then necessarily a career killer. Don't believe it? Google "John Boehner crying." Nonetheless, and whatever you may think of Boehner's politics, he's certainly a success in his field. ????Although showing emotion still carries a stigma in many workplaces, as you know only too well, Kreamer's research led her to believe that may be slowly changing, for three reasons. First, emotions have gained respect in just the past few years as an area of scientific inquiry. "This is really new," notes Kreamer. "We now understand the neurological and biochemical aspects of emotional responses, and how they affect every area of life, including decision-making." As a result, she says, "the old model of leaving your emotions at home and being totally logical at work is clearly just unrealistic." ????It's unrealistic for another reason, too. "Culturally, we've changed," Kreamer points out. "With the 24/7 technology we have now, we have stuff coming at us from all directions all the time, so that work and home are inextricably intertwined." Turning off or tamping down our emotions when switching our attention back and forth between the two realms is a skill that many have yet to master. |
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