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勤奮與高標(biāo)準(zhǔn)在美國(guó)社會(huì)通常是人們所稱(chēng)道的事情。然而，宣揚(yáng)完美主義有時(shí)候會(huì)危害人們的心理健康。

健康的完美主義者“異常努力地工作，以期實(shí)現(xiàn)宏偉目標(biāo)，即便遇到困難，他們也會(huì)堅(jiān)毅地繼續(xù)朝著這些目標(biāo)前進(jìn)。”西北大學(xué)家庭研究所心理學(xué)家、研究生心理輔導(dǎo)項(xiàng)目研究員杰西卡·普萊爾對(duì)《財(cái)富》雜志說(shuō)道。

但那些為追求完美主義而走極端的人士，又被稱(chēng)之為“非適應(yīng)性完美主義”，他們對(duì)失敗有著截然不同的看法。無(wú)論是實(shí)現(xiàn)學(xué)校、工作中的目標(biāo)，還是個(gè)人生活中的目標(biāo)，任何不夠完美的結(jié)果都會(huì)給他們?cè)斐珊艽蟮挠绊憽?/p>

普萊爾說(shuō)：“這些人可能會(huì)因?yàn)樽约簺](méi)有實(shí)現(xiàn)目標(biāo)而變得異常沮喪，并開(kāi)始反思其目標(biāo)，同時(shí)進(jìn)行異常激烈的自我批評(píng)。”此舉可能會(huì)導(dǎo)致一系列心理健康問(wèn)題，包括抑郁、焦慮、強(qiáng)迫癥和飲食紊亂，例如厭食癥。

普萊爾表示：“最糟糕的情況是，完美主義可能會(huì)讓人萌發(fā)自殺念頭和意圖。這是一種非常孤獨(dú)、痛苦的精神狀態(tài)?！?/p>

普萊爾通過(guò)其在西北大學(xué)的研究工作，致力于呼吁人們關(guān)注不適應(yīng)性完美主義，其表征通常體現(xiàn)為強(qiáng)烈的職業(yè)道德。越來(lái)越多的高校學(xué)生如今表示，他們出現(xiàn)了一些類(lèi)似于完美主義的癥狀，后者是社交學(xué)習(xí)和家長(zhǎng)經(jīng)常性批評(píng)雙重作用的產(chǎn)物，而智能手機(jī)的出現(xiàn)則加劇了這一問(wèn)題。

美國(guó)心理學(xué)學(xué)會(huì)稱(chēng)，很多大學(xué)生都因?yàn)樗藢?duì)自己過(guò)高的期望而倍感壓力，這些學(xué)生的數(shù)量在1989年至2016年期間增長(zhǎng)了三分之一。盡管完美主義者數(shù)量在這一年齡段的青年中出現(xiàn)了飆升，但所有人都可能會(huì)受到它的影響。

誰(shuí)會(huì)受到完美主義的影響？

研究顯示，這一問(wèn)題在律師、醫(yī)生和其他高成就人群中尤為突出，普萊爾說(shuō)道。

普萊爾說(shuō)：“那些天生便帶有這種傾向[完美主義]的人士往往會(huì)選擇異常嚴(yán)謹(jǐn)、具有挑戰(zhàn)性的工作。而且一旦他們從事這類(lèi)工作之后，周?chē)娜藭?huì)向他們傳遞‘要超越自我’，以及‘要更加努力地工作’這樣的正面強(qiáng)化信息。”

普萊爾稱(chēng)，在不同年齡段中，千禧一代是最有可能受到完美主義負(fù)面影響的人群。原因在于，這代人的父母如今可以通過(guò)智能手機(jī)定位裝置時(shí)刻監(jiān)督其子女，而這也讓父母對(duì)其子女的行為和學(xué)校表現(xiàn)感到焦慮（例如父母會(huì)問(wèn)孩子，為什么呆在寢室里，而不是在圖書(shū)館學(xué)習(xí)）。此外，父母批評(píng)子女的次數(shù)越多，子女通常會(huì)更加努力地去實(shí)現(xiàn)目標(biāo)，以避免再次受到批評(píng)。

這一點(diǎn)與整個(gè)社會(huì)的風(fēng)氣也有關(guān)系。普萊爾表示，人們不應(yīng)把失敗看作是消極的事情，而是應(yīng)該學(xué)會(huì)把錯(cuò)誤看作是學(xué)習(xí)過(guò)程中的一個(gè)自然事件。

她說(shuō)：“在美國(guó)社會(huì)，我們一直都在強(qiáng)調(diào)職業(yè)道德以及朝著宏偉目標(biāo)努力奮斗。我認(rèn)為，一再?gòu)?qiáng)調(diào)這種觀念反而對(duì)當(dāng)代的年輕人產(chǎn)生了不利影響，而且這種理念的宣傳已經(jīng)達(dá)到了扭曲的程度……我們一直在大肆宣揚(yáng)，如果完美主義是你一心追求的目標(biāo)，而且只要你努力工作，它是完全可以實(shí)現(xiàn)的——但這只是自欺欺人罷了。”

如果人們此前就存在類(lèi)似心理問(wèn)題，那么不良的應(yīng)對(duì)機(jī)制也會(huì)滋生完美主義。如果你對(duì)工作業(yè)績(jī)感到焦慮，你可能會(huì)增加自己的工作量，甚至達(dá)到一種瘋狂的程度。

不健康的完美主義有哪些跡象

除了從事心理咨詢(xún)和擔(dān)任教授之外，普萊爾還在實(shí)驗(yàn)室研究了完美主義的人際間影響。她指出，非適應(yīng)性完美主義者不合群的可能性更大，因?yàn)樗麄儞?dān)心自己的高標(biāo)準(zhǔn)會(huì)成為一種普適標(biāo)準(zhǔn)，而自己的不足之處便會(huì)成為人們品頭論足的對(duì)象。

他們還有可能出現(xiàn)拖延的現(xiàn)象，由于過(guò)于擔(dān)心失敗，他們會(huì)拒絕開(kāi)始從事某項(xiàng)任務(wù)。

普萊爾說(shuō)：“在大學(xué)階段，這種現(xiàn)象可能表現(xiàn)為學(xué)生不交論文，或不參加考試。在職場(chǎng)中，它可能表現(xiàn)為錯(cuò)過(guò)工作的截止日期，或拒絕截止日期，因?yàn)閺氖乱豁?xiàng)任務(wù)并承擔(dān)失敗的風(fēng)險(xiǎn)對(duì)于他們來(lái)說(shuō)是異常困難的?！?/p>

普萊爾稱(chēng)，另一方面，這些人可能會(huì)增加自己的工作量，作為一種“積極應(yīng)對(duì)”的方式。它可能表現(xiàn)為，“一些人會(huì)增加自己的工作時(shí)長(zhǎng)，而且可能是以其健康和自我護(hù)理為代價(jià)?！?/p>

關(guān)鍵點(diǎn)在于分辨?zhèn)€人的動(dòng)機(jī)：他們加班的原因是因?yàn)樽约簶?lè)在其中，還是因?yàn)樗麄冊(cè)噲D避免遭到拒絕和失??？

總的來(lái)說(shuō)，完美主義者應(yīng)該注意的是：自身的行為是否已經(jīng)影響了其生活。如果答案是肯定的，那么此人可能正在遭受非適應(yīng)性完美主義的折磨。

應(yīng)對(duì)方法

如果要進(jìn)行治療，非適應(yīng)性完美主義者可以試著采用“放棄凡事必須完美”的方法，也就是允許自己在生活中一些“不是很重要”的事項(xiàng)上不必做到盡善盡美，例如櫥柜中物品的擺放。

普萊爾稱(chēng)，假以時(shí)日，這種想法可能會(huì)在適當(dāng)?shù)臅r(shí)候融入工作的某些環(huán)節(jié)中。她補(bǔ)充說(shuō)，它告訴我們“秉持高標(biāo)準(zhǔn)并不是什么壞事，‘但只要我愿意，我可以隨時(shí)對(duì)其進(jìn)行調(diào)整，而不是成為這些高標(biāo)準(zhǔn)的奴隸。’”

完美主義者還可以將注意力更多地放在當(dāng)下。普萊爾說(shuō)：“完美主義者通常非常看重結(jié)果”，但結(jié)果的出現(xiàn)，依據(jù)不同的目標(biāo)，可能還需要數(shù)個(gè)小時(shí)或數(shù)年的時(shí)間。如果完美主義者更加關(guān)注整個(gè)過(guò)程，并將目標(biāo)分解為更小、更容易管理的階段性目標(biāo)，那么就會(huì)讓整個(gè)目標(biāo)變得更加容易實(shí)現(xiàn)。

普萊爾還指出，完美主義者還應(yīng)該“慶祝每一步所取得的成果”，并避免在這一過(guò)程中進(jìn)行自我批評(píng)。

普萊爾說(shuō)：“我想說(shuō)的是，盡管這一切聽(tīng)起來(lái)真的很簡(jiǎn)單，但對(duì)于那些已經(jīng)存有非適應(yīng)性或不健康完美主義心態(tài)的人士來(lái)說(shuō)，要做到這一點(diǎn)真的是非常、非常不容易。”

她建議非適應(yīng)性完美主義者在這一過(guò)程中尋求心理咨詢(xún)師的幫助。

普萊爾說(shuō)：“我的很多客戶(hù)反復(fù)說(shuō)的一句話(huà)是：‘我真希望很久以前就接受這一治療?！彝饽愕目捶?，這樣的話(huà)你就不必在這么長(zhǎng)的時(shí)間中獨(dú)自承受這份煎熬了?！保ㄘ?cái)富中文網(wǎng)）

譯者：Charlie

審校：夏林

Hard work and high standards are usually praised in American society. But promoting perfectionism can sometimes harm people’s mental health.

Healthy perfectionists “work really hard towards ambitious goals, and have resilience to continue to strive towards those goals even when things get in the way,” Dr. Jessica Pryor, a psychologist at the Family Institute at Northwestern University and faculty member in the university’s graduate counseling program, told Fortune.

But people who take perfectionism to an unhealthy degree—what’s known as “maladaptive perfectionism“—react very differently to failure. Whether the goal is related to school, work, or personal life—any progress that is less than perfect deeply affects them.

“Individuals may become really frustrated, affected by the fact that they missed those goals, begin to ruminate on them, develop significant levels of self-criticism,” says Pryor. This can lead to a host of mental health issues, including depression, anxiety, obsessive compulsive disorder, and eating disorders like anorexia.

“At its worst, perfectionism can lead to suicidal ideation and suicide attempt,” says Pryor. “It’s a really lonely, painful place to be.”

Through her work at Northwestern University, Pryor aims to bring attention to maladaptive perfectionism, often disguised as a strong work ethic. More college students today say they have symptoms that are consistent with perfectionism, a combined product of social learning and heightened parental criticism, exacerbated by the rise of smartphones.

According to the American Psychological Association, the number of college students who report feeling the pressure of excessively high expectations by others increased one third between 1989 and 2016. While perfectionism is growing significantly within this younger population, it can impact anyone.

Who Does Perfectionism Affect?

Studies have shown that the problem is particularly acute among lawyers, physicians, and other high-achieving individuals, Pryor says.

“Those of us who have those natural predispositions [towards perfectionism] tend to seek out really rigorous, challenging careers,” says Pryor. “And once we’re in those really rigorous, challenging careers, we also get messages around being better than we are, and positive reinforcement for pushing really, really hard.”

Of all generations, millennials are the most suffer from the negative impacts of perfectionism, says Pryor. This could be because this generation’s parents now have the ability to monitor their kids at all hours via smart phone location trackers, creating increased anxiety about behavior and school performance (i.e. parents may ask why a child in college is in the dorms instead of at the library studying). Additionally, the more parents criticize their children, the more those children tend to push themselves to achieve in order to avoid criticism.

This is also connected to society as a whole, says Pryor. Instead of viewing failure as a negative experience, Pryor says more people should be taught to embrace mistakes as natural part of learning.

“In American society we’ve always had a strong message around work ethic and striving for ambitious goals,” she says. “I think we are doing our current young people a disservice by repeating this message, but doing so in a distorted way… we are giving a lot of messages that perfectionism is perfectly achievable if you want it enough, if you work hard enough—and that is just an illusion.”

Perfectionism can also develop as a failed coping mechanism to a preexisting mental health disorder. If you have anxiety about work performance, you may double down on your tasks to an unhealthy degree.

Spotting the Signs

Along with being a practicing psychologist and professor, Pryor studies the interpersonal implications of perfectionism in her lab. She says maladaptive perfectionists are more likely to withdraw from others, fearing their own high standards are held by everyone, and thus they’ll be judged for their imperfections.

They may also procrastinate, being so worried about failure that they refuse to begin the task at all.

“At the university level this could be a student who doesn’t turn in a paper, or doesn’t sit for an exam,” says Pryor. “In the professional world, this could be individuals who end up missing deadlines or pushing deadlines back because it’s so difficult for them to engage the task and risk failing at it.”

On the other hand, individuals may double down on work as a form of “active coping,” says Pryor. This could be “someone spending increasing amounts of time at their work, at the sacrifice of perhaps their well-being and their self-care.”

The key is to look for the individual’s motivation: Are they working extra hours because they enjoy it, or because they’re trying to avoid rejection and failure?

Overall, Pryor says perfectionists should be aware whether their actions are impairing their lives. If the answer is yes, the individual may be suffering from maladaptive perfectionism.

Treatment

To cure themselves, maladaptive perfectionists can experiment with “l(fā)etting go of global perfectionism,” says Pryor. This means allowing yourself to be less than perfect in parts of your life that are “l(fā)ower stakes,” like organizing the kitchen cabinets.

Eventually this behavior can be extended to parts of your professional life where it’s appropriate, says Pryor. She added that this teaches that “high standards are okay, ‘But then I can calibrate them when I wish to. I don’t have to be a slave to these high standards.'”

Perfectionists can also focus more on being in the moment. “Often perfectionists are very motivated by the outcome,” says Pryor, but that could be either hours or years away, depending on the goal. If the individual is more focused on the process, and breaks the goal into smaller, more manageable pieces, this eases the path towards one’s goal.

Pryor adds that individuals should also be “celebrating the accomplishment of each step,” and avoid self-criticism along the way.

“I would say all of this sounds really straightforward, and for those who are suffering from maladaptive or unhealthy perfectionism, this is much, much harder than it sounds,” says Pryor.

She recommends maladaptive perfectionists seek help from a therapist to help along this process.

“I have many clients who say the cliché, ‘I wish I had done this a long time ago,'” says Pryor. “And I agree, you didn’t need to suffer that long alone.”