????到底是什么讓有些人能獲得更多尊敬和關注，甚至更多的忠誠？如果你先天并不具備這種讓人敬仰和追隨的魅力，能否通過后天獲得？“魅力”這個詞源自古希臘，意思是“神賜的禮物”。這或許也能解釋為何我們大多數人都認為這種氣質，有就是有，沒有也強求不來。

????但約翰?奈分格和馬修?克哈特卻有不同的看法。這兩位是培訓公司KNP Communications的聯合創始人，公司的客戶包括位高權重的高管、政客和媒體明星。從多年前開始，他們兩位就開始將個人魅力進行細分。他們寫道：“我們研究了最具影響力的人，看看他們如何培養自己的個人魅力。從奧普拉?溫弗瑞到羅納德?里根，從多莉?巴頓到達賴喇嘛，我們發現成功的人都在反復使用相同的策略。”這些策略最終便形成了一本書——《魅力人群：讓我們產生影響力的潛在品質》（Compelling People: The Hidden Qualities That Make Us Influential）。兩位作者在許多頂尖商學院授課的時候都引用過書中的內容作為素材。目前，這本書已經成為哈佛（Harward）、哥倫比亞（Columbia）和喬治城麥克多諾商學院（McDonough School of Business）的必讀物。

????事實證明，這種被我們稱之為“魅力”的、難以言說的東西由兩個主要元素組成——強勢與同情心。按照兩位作者的觀點，強勢是“一個人能夠讓事情發生的能力”，而同情心是“一個人共享他人的感覺、興趣和世界觀的意識?！币氘斶x公職通常需要兩者兼具。例如，兩位作者表示：“2000年，喬治?W?布什便是以一個富有同情心（熱心）的保守主義者（強勢）身份參加的總統競選?！?/p>

????聽起來不錯，但有個問題：要平衡這兩種本質上截然相反的品質非常困難。同情心，包括友好、開放和能令人解除防備的自嘲式的幽默感在內，會讓人更受歡迎，但卻不一定能帶來尊敬；而僅有強勢則可能給人留下冷淡甚至令人害怕的印象。不論是所謂的魅力、吸引力還是高管的風度，都是同時表現這兩種氣質的能力——兩位作者認為，這種能力“非常罕見，所以一旦有人掌握了這種能力，我們便會對其進行贊美，為其歡欣鼓舞，甚至心懷嫉妒?！?/p>

????別擔心?！恩攘θ巳骸芬粫敿毭枋隽巳绾瓮瑫r做到這兩點，或者至少看起來既強勢又富有同情心，其中涵蓋了從如何微笑和何時微笑，以及在特定情形下如何控制自己的聲音，甚至包括克林特?伊斯特伍德著名的強勢凝視背后的眼瞼緊張技巧。

????如果你之前從未考慮過握手這些基本的要素，本書建議你從現在開始做起。很明顯，關鍵是有意識地注意準備好手指的屈伸肌群?！爸匾氖牵愕奈帐直仨毰c對方的握手相匹配，”不論對方的握手是強有力的，還是死魚式的不情愿的握手，“只要在握手時讓自己的肌肉放松，不論對方握力如何，都能應付自如。”

????身為溝通培訓師，該書的兩位作者自然會為不利于職場影響力的講話習慣提供解決方案。其中一種習慣是“用升調說話”，這種山谷女孩式的語調每一句話都使用升調，就像是在問問題一樣，非常令人討厭。這種下意識的語言習慣會無意間傳達“順從的尋求認同”的信號，而且“會造成說話者對確認無疑的事情沒有把握的印象”，兩者均不是強勢（或同情心）的象征。不幸的是，用升調說話這種習慣很難改變。如果你認為這種習慣拖了你的后腿，這本書建議，錄下自己的講話，“強迫自己強忍著聽聽”自己的聲音是多么令人沮喪。

????What is it exactly that makes some people command far more respect and attention, even devotion, than their peers? And if you're not born with the kind of magnetism that compels people to admire and follow you, can you acquire it? "Charisma" comes from a Greek word that means "gift from the gods," which may explain why most of us assume you've either got it or you don't.

????John Neffinger and Matthew Kohut beg to differ. Co-founders of KNP Communications, a coaching firm with a client roster of high-powered executives, politicians, and media stars, the pair set out a few years ago to break charisma down to its component parts. "We studied the most compelling people to see how they pulled it off," they write. "From Oprah Winfrey to Ronald Reagan, from Dolly Parton to the Dalai Lama, we saw successful people using the same strategies over and over."

????Those strategies are spelled out in Compelling People: The Hidden Qualities That Make Us Influential. The book, which includes some material the authors have already taught as lecturers at a few top B-schools, is now required reading at Harvard, Columbia, and the McDonough School of Business at Georgetown.

????It turns out that the ineffable thing we call charisma has two primary elements, strength and warmth. Strength, by the authors' lights, is "a person's capacity to make things happen," while warmth is "the sense that a person shares our feelings, interests, and view of the world." Getting elected to public office usually takes both. For instance, the authors note, "George W. Bush ran in 2000 as a compassionate (warm) conservative (strong)."

????Sounds good, but there's a catch: Balancing the two qualities, which are fundamentally different or even opposed, is tricky. Warmth -- including friendliness, openness, and a disarmingly self-deprecating sense of humor -- may make you likeable, but it doesn't necessarily command respect, while strength alone can come across as icy or even scary. What we call charisma, magnetism, or executive presence is the knack of projecting both at once -- an ability, the authors observe, that is "so rare that we celebrate, elevate, and envy those who manage it."

????Not to worry. Compelling People goes into exhaustive detail about how to be -- or seem -- strong and warm at the same time, addressing everything from how and when to smile, to how to modulate your voice in given kinds of situations, to the specific eyelid-tensing technique behind Clint Eastwood's famous power stare.

????If you've never given much thought to basics like simply shaking hands, the book suggests you start. The key, apparently, is applying "conscious focus" to preparing the flexors and extensors in your fingers: "It is important that your handshake match that of the person you are greeting," whether it's bone-crushing or dead-fish, so "keep those hand muscles flexed as you go in, and you'll be ready for any grip strength you come across."

????Naturally for a couple of communications coaches, the authors offer remedies for habits of speech that undermine people's influence at work. One of these is "uptalk," that annoying Valley-girl intonation that makes every sentence turn up at the end like a question. It's a verbal tic that inadvertently signals "submissive approval seeking" and "creates the impression the speaker is uncertain about things that should not be in doubt" -- neither of which conveys strength (or warmth either, for that matter). Unfortunately, uptalk can be a tough habit to break. If you suspect it's holding you back, the authors recommend recording yourself and "forcing yourself to endure listening" to how uninspiring you sound.