????史密斯在擔任現在這項職務之初也曾請過一位高管教練。她說，當時她希望能找到自己的領導力嗓音和風格。在接受輔導的過程中，她發現自己的一條不成文原則“不讓任何人失望”是不可能完成的任務。它不僅會讓自己精疲力盡，也沒有意義，因為她遇到的新請求層出不窮。在一位教練的指導下，她開始學習如何對他人的請求策略性地說“不”，并給請求者指出一個積極的方向。

????“就我的情況而言，是用‘我要保持關系’取代‘不讓任何人失望’，”史密斯說，同時指出，初次見面時，接受輔導的目標是什么，往往不甚明確。“有時候，剛開始接受輔導時會有一個目標，與教練談完后會發現其實是另一個目標。”

????一點建議：如果你需要的是一位心理治療師，不要聘請一位職業教練。“如果你感到沮喪，高管教練可能幫不了你，”丹特納說。“如果你承受的巨大壓力是因為工作和家庭難以兼顧，家庭事務過多地牽扯了你的精力，日照不足，吃不好，鍛煉不夠等等，這些人生的問題會妨礙簡單直接的輔導。”

選錯教練

????由于整個教練市場以及高管教練市場的快速發展，很難在這么多的選擇中一下子找對人。理想的情況是能從信賴的人那里獲得推薦，但適合朋友的教練未必就一定適合你。

????“我覺得，應該從第一次談話就能感到自己與教練間存在著某種聯系，”培訓和領導力發展企業Next Step Partners的合伙人邁克?梅爾奇表示。這家公司在舊金山和紐約都設有辦事處。

????尋找擁有行為科學背景（比如心理學或社會工作）和實際職場經驗的教練，如果與你同行業或有相同的背景（比如新MBA或女性高管）就更理想了。

????目標也決定你需要什么樣的輔導。“如果你需要發展自己的情商，應該請一位心理學家。如果希望加強演講能力，則應該與溝通專家談談，”提供高管培訓和團隊建設咨詢的紐約企業心理學家比爾?伯曼說。

????要提防那些試圖操控或大玩心理游戲的人，比如要求預付20,000美元訂金，一旦你提出不同意見，對方就批評你不按規矩辦事。

????找一位教練：他/她必須是教練社群的一部分，或者有一位導師可依賴，不僅仰仗導師的名頭，也可以向導師尋求建議和咨詢。

框架規則不明確

????另一個嚴重的錯誤是與教練間缺乏明確的框架規則、支付預期以及時間預期。丹特納說：“你可能要找這樣的教練。他們能給你發一份合同，明確列出他們會做些什么，保密級別是什么，”

????特別是如果你是通過公司福利或職業發展資源，第一次與教練見面時，你更應該明確，這項培訓是限于你和教練之間，還是會包括你的上司或人力資源部。

????Smith herself worked with an executive coach when she was moving into her current position. She says she wanted to find her leadership voice and style. Through the process, she realized that one of her unwritten rules was, "Don't let anyone down," an impossible standard that not only would exhaust Smith but wouldn't make sense given the volume of new requests being made of her. She worked with a coach on saying no to requests strategically and in a way that pointed the requester in a positive direction.

????"For me, it was replacing that rule of not letting anyone down with, 'I'm going to preserve relationships,' " Smith says, noting that the goal of the coaching engagement may not always be clear in the very first meeting. "Sometimes you come to a coaching relationship with a goal and through the coaching conversation you discover there's another goal at play."

????Another tip: don't hire a career coach if you really should be seeing a therapist. "If you're depressed, it's unlikely an executive coach is going to help you," Dattner says. "If you're under severe stress because of work-family issues or preoccupied with a situation at home, not getting enough sunlight, eating well, exercise, those bigger life things get in the way of straightforward, simple coaching."

You're with the wrong coach

????Given the growth of coaching in general, and executive coaching specifically, it can be hard to find the right one in a sea of available options. Ideally, you'll get a recommendation from someone you trust, but even then, the right coach for your friend may not be the right one for you.

????"I believe you should feel a connection with your coach from the first conversation," says Michael Melcher, a partner at Next Step Partners, a coaching and leadership development firm based in San Francisco and New York.

????Look for a combination of a behavioral science background, such as psychology or social work, and real-world career experience, ideally in your industry or with your demographic (i.e. new MBA or executive woman).

????Your goals should also dictate the kind of coach you seek. "If you need to build your emotional intelligence, you should use a psychologist. If you want to present more effectively, talk to a communications expert," says Bill Berman, a New York-based corporate psychologist who does executive coaching and team development.

????Be wary of someone who tries to manipulate or use mind games, like asking for a $20,000 up-front commitment and when you demur, accusing you of not being committed to the process.

????Seek out a coach who is part of a community of coaches or has a mentor to rely upon; not only will that person have a reputation to uphold, she'll have someone to turn to for advice and consultation.

Your ground rules are unclear

????Another kiss of death is to be working with a coach without clear ground rules, payment expectations, and an expected timeframe. "You probably want a coach who can send you a contract so it's clearly specified what they are going to do and what the parameters of confidentiality are," Dattner says.

????Especially with a coach you first meet through your employer's benefits or professional development resources, you should be explicit about whether this is a relationship just between you and the coach, or one that includes your supervisor or the human resources department.