廣場飯店里一直延續著經典服務：黃銅鳥籠盛放的下午茶，身著燕尾服的禮賓員輕巧地招呼行李送入鎏金套房，大廚們頭頂戴著高高的廚師帽。但如今是亞馬遜Prime當道的時代，所有人對任何事物都是予取予求。如果能將昔日的貴族式享受與當下對任何需求的即時滿足結合起來，會是什么樣子？

為了找出準確答案，記者應邀前往紐約著名的廣場飯店加入了管家團隊，團隊里共有10人（其中竟然有一位女性），晝夜不停地在20層的酒店里忙碌，確保282間客房里的客人們享受皇家般待遇。7月最熱的兩天里，我跟管家團隊晝夜不停地奔忙，像這座城市一樣仿佛不眠不休。我一邊聽團隊主管艾瑪講述很多工作中遇到的故事，一邊跟其他經驗豐富的同事們服務客人。

團隊成員堪稱精英：工作經驗加起來達147年，很多曾在世界各地富豪家中擔任過管家。我？我加入團隊前加急培訓了兩天，廣場飯店也是頭一遭聘請經驗如此淺的管家。培訓中我詳細了解了酒店情況，當然還收獲一套酒店制服（包括燙金名牌之類全套裝備）。

我雖然待的時間不長，但也經歷了不少，期間曾向中東王子提供送洗服務，從許愿池里撈龍蝦，還津津有味地聽同事們講工作中遇到的囧事，類似臨時幫客人買偉哥，安慰因為藍莓打翻哭個不停的女客人。聽起來侍奉有錢人和名人就像進入了另一個平行宇宙，充滿了各種荒誕，我聽得經常眼都不眨。這還只是開始。

下次你再去住五星級酒店，記住以下12個秘密。

有一種VIP名單，估計你上了比不上后悔

每個班次里，管家們都要面對成百上千的需求，大多都是往冰桶里加冰，處理臟衣服以及擦鞋之類。附贈的打包和拆包整理需求也很常見，這種任務一來就能忙上一整天。可能很難想象，很多外國客人經常會訂下相鄰兩個套房，一個用來睡覺，另一個用來放行李。從公司經營理念來看，廣場飯店每位客人都應該感覺到自己是VIP，但實際上還是有等級的。金字塔頂端當然是國王、王后和國家元首們，管家們通常稱之為V1，這類客人常年會有。第二類就是出手闊綽的，經常長住的，一次預定很多房間的，還有名人。這類客人叫尊貴訪客，簡稱DV。VIP名單里的底層是愛投訴的，難伺候的，還有經常要“特殊協助”的過分要求客人，簡稱SA群體。

洗浴時間有時很尷尬

管家團隊經常會遇到放洗澡水的要求，得精心準備浴鹽、按摩油和玫瑰花瓣，冷天里需求會更多一些。但洗澡水準備好并不一定意味著任務完成，巴勒是廣場飯店洗浴服務專家，他說工作時95%情況下客人入浴后得站在身邊候著。大部分客人會要求加熱水或取熏香油，所以喜歡裸著身子泡澡時身邊有人隨時使喚。等客人洗完澡，他經常還得埋頭打開浴缸塞子放掉剩下的臟水。

這還不算最奇怪。之前在倫敦有位管家同事收到客人指令，要在浴缸里擺滿生蠔。于是他忙前忙后在浴缸里塞滿了冰，上面鋪上生蠔，最后才發現客人只是需要洗澡時能光著身子隨手吃到生蠔而已。最后客人還是滿意了，因為他訂下了隔壁房間給自己的管家，以便隨時服務。

住店客人的心思其實挺好猜……

廣場飯店的客人關系小組會仔細研究每位住店客人，通過各種社交媒體（最喜歡領英）了解得事無巨細。另一方面，管家團隊通常根據過往經驗現場判斷客人情況。如果來的是亞洲客人，他們會送上電熱水壺供煮面使用，因為亞洲客人經常會自己帶方便面。如果是三四十歲的美國客人，就要留心盯著房間迷你酒吧里的飲料，因為美國客人是公認的派對分子，很有可能一飲而空。中東VIP則會受到“阿拉伯式款待”——送上放滿棗，干果和堅果的盤子。中東客人很喜歡這些，對巧克力、蛋糕和其他甜點沒什么興趣。如果是西方商人，入住時管家們會立刻詢問有沒有襯衫和西裝需要清理，因為這類客人送洗衣服的數量通常最多。

客人們也有出人意料的時候

雖然客人行為通常有規律，但有時連最有經驗的管家也會搞不懂。我當班時就碰到過，當時酒店內庭噴泉里總是有龍蝦殼出現。每天酒店員工都要撈出來，但沒過幾個小時又會有新的。后來才發現一位中東王子每頓飯都在房間里點龍蝦，吃完的龍蝦殼總是隨手扔出窗外，正好落入噴泉里。（艾瑪禮貌地提醒他別再扔了，可惜的是我們終于發現謎底那天他也要離店了。）

還有一次，有位女性客人把艾瑪叫過去歇斯底里地哭，“就好像丈夫去世了，她剛剛發現尸體一樣”。艾瑪費了好大勁安撫她之后才發現，客人大哭的原因是房間里的面巾紙用完了，她女兒得用廁紙擤鼻涕。

性、毒品還要……又來啦？

每家酒店里都會遇到客人要毒品或招妓的情況，只是不會很經常。巴勒在廣場飯店十年，只遇到過兩三次客人要毒品，每次他都嚴格遵守法律規定拒絕了。要避孕套的情況則比較多，另一位管家穆赫辛就總是隨身帶一盒，尤其是晚上。有一次大半夜有客人要避孕套，他敲了幾次門也沒人應，后來他輕輕走進房間發現兩位客人纏綿正酣，絲毫不擔心被撞見。

比起性和毒品，有時客人還有更稀奇古怪的要求。最近就有位女性客人讓艾瑪幫著找從窗臺上掉下去的巧克力裹藍莓。艾瑪提出換相同甜品店相同品牌的巧克力裹藍莓，但客人堅決要求找回原來那份。后來艾瑪跟安保團隊在酒店內庭找了好幾個小時也沒找到。我短暫工作期間，最奇怪的要求是兩升靜脈注射生理鹽水，因為一位醫生的妻子很可能宿醉喝大，最后生病了。

有些需求更古怪。有個管家說有次客人要求把房間所有家具換了，只因為客人不喜歡藍色。還有客人要求管家去城市圣物寶盒找一件代表正義的和平獎杯，獎給一位新晉律師。還有客人要求從非洲空運活狼蛛做菜吃。當然了，要求再荒謬管家們都是毫不遲疑立刻去辦。

注意枕套

廣場飯店里丟枕套的事太多了。但并不是因為游客手腳不干凈，也不是有人故意偷枕套。每周至少發生一次客人自己帶來的枕套跟酒店枕套弄混，結果把客人帶來的枕套送洗的情況。有時徹底找不到，這時不管花多少錢，艾瑪也得會派禮賓員買新的，費用酒店承擔。

圣誕節：不怎么快樂

“派對季”通常從10月持續到12月，感覺幾乎每天晚上都有四到五個客人要求幫忙打領帶或者穿上雞尾酒會禮服。過去幾年里，要求房間里添加節日裝飾的客人越來越多，現在酒店會提供標準圣誕套餐，價格500美元，其中包括在房間里放上管家們親手裝飾的嶄新圣誕樹。

客人并不是永遠正確

客人投訴也有些規律。每天都會有客人投訴洗衣服務太慢。雖然洗衣單上已經清楚寫明標準和預計完成時間，但對某些人來說就是不夠快。迷你酒吧收費也是經常起爭議的地方。在廣場飯店，如果把迷你酒吧里的酒水喝光要支付600美元，每周至少會出現一次，幾乎每次客人都不太想付錢。

這就要求管家們事先用卡片相機拍下所有細節，不管是房間里到處扔的酒瓶，還是送洗前衣物上就有的污漬，還有家具受損的證據。每張單據都會經過電腦驗證并附上照片，當旅行網站TripAdvisor.com上出現憤怒評論時，管家們就能提供充分的證據反駁不實指控。

如何登上被拒絕服務名單

比你想象中容易得多。酒店有嚴格的反歧視政策，對因種族、性別、年齡或信仰虐待員工的客人一律零容忍。直到現在還有些客人會提出要求，禁止某些種族的員工進入房間提供服務；有些客人會詢問服務人員是否美國合法居民。管家團隊主管艾瑪都遇到過性別歧視，有次客人生氣了要找經理投訴，看到她出現后火氣更大。

拒絕服務的情形在各級客人中都會出現，一直可達DV級別。至少有兩位名人是廣場飯店永久拒絕服務的，一位是流行女歌手，原因是過量吸毒和酗酒，并且故意挑釁員工；另一位是硅谷明星，因為控制不住情緒損壞了房間設施，價值跟一間套房差不多。

剩下的下午茶從不會浪費

廣場飯店后面走廊和通道里有一處秘密所在，是員工專用的咖啡廳。每天午餐、晚餐和深夜會提供熱餐食（味道非常好！）。餐廳里全天供應百吉餅和飲料，只要餓了就可以去吃。不過最懂行的會在下午5：30整去餐廳，因為這個時間正好供應樓上棕櫚餐廳下午茶剩下的食物，供員工享用。（供應的都是做好還沒擺盤的。）艾瑪說她最愛迷你黃瓜三明治。我最喜歡的是小藍莓芝士蛋糕。

慷慨的小費總是讓人開心

紐約市酒店員工受到一系列工會保護。禮賓員和客房服務人員都是“可接受小費的員工”，通常來說除了酒店工資，管家們沒有額外小費。不過巴勒和同事們還是經常收到一些小費。

過去十年里他收過最大一筆小費是多少？來自一位法國模特兼演員，當時她想跟男朋友，也是位著名時尚達人共渡一個浪漫的周末。巴勒把房間里所有桌上臺上擺滿鮮花，安排了在中央公園上空的直升機里享用午餐，還費盡心思從外地專賣酒莊找到一瓶非常昂貴的特有紅酒。周末結束后，法國女演員付給他8000美元現金當小費。

幾個月后，那個時尚達人，也是時尚品牌創始人又來到酒店，只是換了個女朋友。

怎樣才算服務到家

廣場飯店里有一間貝奇·約翰遜設計的套房，專門為了紀念曾在此住過的六歲的虛構人物埃羅依。正是在這間套房里，另一位管家同事尼莫提供了此生最古怪的服務。客人要求酒店派人過去朗讀喜歡的兒童讀物當睡前故事，但尼莫進了房間才發現根本沒有孩子，而是四個三十多歲的成年人擠在一張大床上。尼莫強忍住震驚，堅持給四人讀了90分鐘的睡前故事，為免客人不盡興還播放了埃羅依的視頻。（財富中文網）

譯者：Pessy

審稿：夏林

Old-school service is alive and well at the Plaza: High tea treats are served in brass birdcages, tuxedo-clad bellman whisk away luggage to gilded suites, and chefs bear toques that tower above their heads. But in the age of Amazon Prime—when we all want everything now—what is it really like blending vestigial aristocratic assistance with light-speed wish fulfillment?

In order to properly find out, I accepted an offer from New York’s iconic Plaza Hotel to join its team of butlers, a coterie of 10 servicemen (and one woman!) who trot around the property’s 20 floors day and night, making sure 282 rooms’ worth of guests feel like royalty. For two hot days in July, I raced around with a team that, like the city itself, seemingly never sleeps—hearing tales of the trade from the department’s director, Emma, and serving guests alongside some of her most experienced staffers.

This is an elite crew: It bears a combined 147 years of experience, and many have served as house managers for affluent families all over the world. Me? I got express credentials for my two-day residency—unprecedented for the Plaza. They included a detailed orientation of the property and a uniform fitting for my hotel-issued attire (gold-plated name tag and all).

Over my short tenure, I delivered laundry to Middle Eastern princesses and fetched lobsters out of wishing wells—and listened to colleagues delight in the oddities of their jobs, from fielding requests for Viagra or comforting a weeping woman over spilled blueberries. Serving the world’s rich and famous, it turns out, plumbs the depths of an alternative universe that readily embraces the absurd without even batting an eye. And that was only the beginning of what I learned.

Here, 12 secrets to keep in mind the next time you check into a five-star hotel.

One VIP List You Don’t Want to Be On

Hundreds of butler requests roll in each shift—mostly to fill ice buckets, handle laundry, and shine shoes. Complimentary packing and unpacking requests are also common, though they can turn into day-long affairs. A surprising number of international guests will purchase adjoining suites: one to sleep in and one for their luggage.

By matter of corporate philosophy, every guest should feel like a VIP at the Plaza. But a hierarchy still exists among those who check-in at reception. At the top of the pyramid are kings, queens, and heads of state—or as butlers call them: V1s, and they are ever-present on the property.) Then come high-payers, long-stayers, guests booking a large block of rooms, and recognizable celebs. They’re called DVs, or distinguished visitors. On the bottom of the VIP totem pole is the SA group, known complainers or otherwise difficult and demanding guests who require “special assistance.”

Bath Time Can Be Awkward

Another common request for the butler team is to draw baths with a signature blend of salt, oil, and roses—especially during the colder months of the year. But the butler’s duties aren’t necessarily complete once the tub is full. Bal, the Plaza’s resident bath-time specialist, said that 95 percent of the time, he’s asked to remain within arm’s reach as bathers suds-up. Most of them, he said, want more hot water or scented oil, and are happy to keep him on hand while they relax in the nude. He is often left to pull the plug from the drain, elbow-deep in leftover water.

It gets weirder. One of my butler colleagues at a previous job in London was asked to ship in and set up a guest’s order of fresh oysters in the bathtub. He diligently filled the tub with ice and laid the oysters out, only to discover that the guest wanted the oysters placed in the tub around his soaking body. Eventually, the client seemed satisfied: He purchased the room next door for his butler so he’d always be near.

Hotel Guests Are Pretty Predictable …

The Plaza’s guest relations team researches everyone staying at the hotel on an individual basis, using a variety of social media tools. (The favorite is LinkedIn.com.) Butlers, on the other hand, often use past trends to size people up on the spot. They send electric kettles to the rooms of arriving Asian guests, who often bring noodles from home to cook in their suite. They keep an eye on the minibar when tending to Americans in their thirties and forties—they’re considered the partiers of the hotel, likeliest to plow through the booze. Middle Eastern VIPs get what is called an “Arabic Amenity”—a tray of dates, dried fruit, and nuts; they tend to prefer these to chocolates, cakes, or other sweet desserts. And the butler staff knows to immediately ask Western businessmen if they have shirts or suits that needs servicing upon checking in; they’re always the ones who treble the quantity of laundry in the basement.

… Except When They’re Totally Unpredictable

Despite the overwhelming regularity of guest behaviors, travelers can mystify even the most experienced of butlers. During my shifts, lobster shells kept appearing in the fountains of the hotel’s interior courtyard. Every day, the staff would fish them out, only to find a new one a few hours later. It turned out that a Middle Eastern prince was ordering cooked lobster from room service for every meal and then throwing the empty shells out the window to land in a fountain below. (Emma asked him to stop—nicely—but pieced together the mystery only on the day of his departure.)

Another time, a woman called Emma hysterically crying “as though her husband died and she just discovered the body.” When Emma finally calmed her down, she comprehended the real reason for the guest’s tears: There was no more Kleenex in her suite, and her young daughter had been forced to blow her nose on toilet paper.

Sex, Drugs and … Come Again?

As at any hotel, requests for drugs and prostitutes do happen—but not frequently. Bal has been asked for drugs only two or three times in his 10 years at the Plaza, and he is careful to stick within the boundaries of the law. Condom needs are another story: Mouhsine, one of the other butlers, always carries a pack with him, especially in the evenings. On being called to fulfill one such late-night request, no one answered the door after several knocks; he gently entered the room to find the two guests in the “go” position, waiting to be walked-in on.

Far more interesting than sex and drugs are the more outlandish client requests. Recently, Emma fielded a service call from a woman searching for some missing chocolate-covered blueberries, which had fallen off a window ledge. Emma offered to obtain replacements from the same brand and store, but the guest was adamant about retrieving her exact snack. Emma and the security team trawled the hotel’s interior courtyard for hours, blueberry-hunting, to no avail. During my brief tenure, the weirdest request was for two liters of intravenous saline solution—meant for a doctor’s ailing wife, who was presumably on the wrong side of a stunning hangover.

Some requests are even more bizarre. One butler told the story of how he was asked to replace all the furniture in a suite because the guest didn’t like the color blue. Another was sent off to scout the city’s reliquaries for a justice of the peace trophy—a prize for a newly minted lawyer. Another arranged for a live tarantula flown in from Africa to be served as a meal. Of course, butlers always deliver with a straight face.

Mind the Pillowcases

Missing pillowcases can be a real issue at the Plaza. But it’s not the tourists that have sticky fingers. And it’s not hotel pillowcases that are getting stolen. At least once a week, a white pillowcase that was brought from a guest’s home gets mistaken for a hotel-issued version and is sent out for cleaning. Sometimes they’re never seen again, in which case Emma dispatches a bellman to purchase new coverings, drawing on the hotel’s coffers, no matter the price.

Christmastime: Not so Merry

“Party season,” which spans October to December, feels like a constant carousel of functions, banquets, and events at the Plaza. Every evening, there are four or five requests for assistance at looping bow ties and zipping up cocktail dresses. And in the last few years, requests for holiday-themed decorations in the rooms have become so commonplace that the hotel now offers a standard Christmas package that includes a fresh, fully decorated tree, assembled by the butlers pre-check-in for $500.

The Customer Is Not Always Right

Complaints follow regular patterns. Every day, a guest will complain about too-slow laundry service. Though forms clearly offer standard and expedited return times, they’re not fast enough for some.Minibar charges also lead to regular disputes. A full raid of your room’s bar runs $600 at the Plaza—something that happens at least once a week. The likelihood that guests will not want to pay is almost guaranteed.

This requires butlers to document everything with pocket cameras, whether it’s open booze bottles spread across the room, stains on laundry that existed before washing, or evidence of damaged furniture. Every ticket is verified on a computer and photos are attached, so when TripAdvisor.com lights up with a fiery review, the butlers are able to provide evidence to dispel any falsehoods.

The Easiest Way to Get Banned

It’s a lot easier than you might think. The hotel has a strict anti-discrimination policy, and zero tolerance is given to guests who mistreat the staff because of race, gender, age, or creed. Even now, guests sometimes request that staff of a certain ethnic extraction not be allowed to service their rooms; others will ask service members if they are legal in America. Emma, the director of the butler team, cited several incidents of sexism, too, such as the time guests asked to speak with a manager but grew angrier when she showed up instead of a man.

The refusal of services goes all the way up the ladder to DVs. At least two specific celebrities are permanently banned from the Plaza—one, a pop diva expelled for excessive drug and alcohol use and a belligerent attitude towards the staff, the other a sitcom star who took his anger issues out on a suite’s worth of furnishings.

Afternoon Tea Leftovers Don’t Go to Waste

Hidden within the Plaza’s secret back-of-house corridors and tunnels is a cafeteria reserved for the staff. Open during lunch, dinner, and late-night hours for (surprisingly good!) hot meal service, the canteen offers bagels and drinks for the peckish throughout the entirety of the day. But the savviest snackers know to visit the cafeteria at exactly 5:30 p.m., because that’s when the leftovers from high tea at the Palm Court upstairs are put out for the staff. (They serve only the food that was prepped but not plated.) Emma said she practically lives off mini cucumber sandwiches. I liked the tiny blueberry cheesecakes.

A Good Tip Can Make It Worthwhile

New York City’s hospitality workers are protected under a spectrum of different unions. While bellmen and room service are considered “tipping staff,” the butlers do not expect fiscal rewards for their work, beyond the Plaza’s paycheck. But Bal and his colleagues still see a few ex-presidents from time to time.

His biggest tip during the last 10 years? It came from a French model-actress keen on setting up a romantic weekend for her boyfriend, a well-known fashion magnate. Bal placed flowers on every flat surface throughout their suite, organized lunch in a helicopter over Central Park, and tracked down a very specific, very expensive bottle from a specialist store off-site. By the end of the weekend, she handed him $8,000 in cash.

Seven months later, the founder of the fashion label was back at the hotel with a different girlfriend.

When to Call It a Night

The Plaza maintains a Betsey Johnson-designed suite in honor of Eloise, the capricious six-year-old that fictionally lived on the property. It was here that Nimer, another member of the butler team, had his most bizarre service experience to date. A request was put in for someone to come up and read the beloved children’s book as a bedtime story, but when Nimer arrived there were no children to be found. Four thirtysomethings were neatly tucked into one, large bed. Concealing his shock, Nimer read to them for 90 minutes—then tracked down Eloise on video, in case they hadn’t had enough.