????好了，老實(shí)交代。你是否曾賄賂過自己的孩子？你是否會給他們發(fā)錢（或類似獎勵(lì)），讓他們保持良好的行為？獲得好成績？或在吃飯的時(shí)放下手機(jī)？別惹你生氣？

????我承認(rèn)，我做過這種事，雖然結(jié)果并不理想。（我提出付錢讓孩子去健身房，最初這種做法受到歡迎，但后來慘遭拋棄，因?yàn)楹⒆訍凵狭似渌恍枰骱沟幕顒印＃┒鴵?jù)最近的T. Rowe Price基金母嬰調(diào)查顯示，約有一半的父母曾經(jīng)做過類似的事情。超過三分之二的父母對數(shù)據(jù)采集員表示，他們非常或者極其關(guān)心給孩子樹立一個(gè)良好的財(cái)務(wù)榜樣。而賄賂似乎在可接受的范圍之內(nèi)。

????這讓我想到了三個(gè)問題：首先，賄賂是否為一種誠實(shí)的行為？多年前，我經(jīng)常聽心理學(xué)家喬伊?布朗博士的廣播節(jié)目。她非常贊成通過賄賂獲得想要的結(jié)果。但延伸到孩子和金錢時(shí)這種觀點(diǎn)還成立嗎？第二，賄賂（有巨大的負(fù)面意義）和激勵(lì)（不存在負(fù)面意義）之間有什么區(qū)別？第三，如果你認(rèn)為賄賂沒問題，應(yīng)該如何實(shí)施才能得到你想要的結(jié)果？答案依次如下。

????賄賂可行嗎？既可行也不可行。耶魯大學(xué)（Yale University）經(jīng)濟(jì)學(xué)教授、Stickk.com的創(chuàng)始人迪恩?卡蘭認(rèn)為，如果家長的目的是解決短期問題，比如讓孩子嘗試一種新食物，或讓孩子屈服，觀看家里其他人希望看的電影等，賄賂會非常有效。你劃下道來，孩子成功觸線，你就掏錢。（例如，為了讓孩子坐下來寫一篇用于大學(xué)網(wǎng)申的論文，我的一位朋友絞盡腦汁。于是，她提供了賄賂，甚至讓孩子自己提出金額。在付出五十美元和兩個(gè)半小時(shí)后，她的孩子寫出了一篇“漂亮的文章”。之所以說這是一個(gè)很好的例子，因?yàn)檫@種任務(wù)僅此一次。）

????T. Rowe Price基金的認(rèn)證理財(cái)規(guī)劃師斯圖爾特?里特表示：“問題在于，一旦你開了價(jià)，未來如果沒有同樣的甚至更多的錢，你可能無法說服孩子做任何事情。例如，如果做X能讓孩子得到Y(jié)，家長其實(shí)是建立一個(gè)體系。”這意味著，如果下一次你不掏錢，便很難得到想要的結(jié)果。

????賄賂與激勵(lì)之間有什么區(qū)別？兩者均屬于談判的方式。你付出一點(diǎn)東西來獲得自己想要的，孩子同樣如此。兩者的區(qū)別在于，賄賂通常發(fā)生在危機(jī)關(guān)頭。不論是何緣故，你覺得孩子的行為必須立即改變，于是你報(bào)出一個(gè)自己沒有多做考慮的價(jià)格。而激勵(lì)則更有計(jì)劃性。（事后想想，我付錢讓孩子去健身房的做法，更像是激勵(lì)，而不是賄賂。）你已經(jīng)仔細(xì)考慮過用哪種“胡蘿卜”可能讓孩子按照你想要的方式改變行為，做好準(zhǔn)備出價(jià)來刺激孩子做出改變。

????理財(cái)知識專家、兒童理財(cái)網(wǎng)站Money Savvy Generation的創(chuàng)始人蘇珊?比切姆解釋道：“許多父母之所以使用賄賂，并非因?yàn)槲覀冏孕胚@是最好的教育工具，而是因?yàn)槲覀儏挓┝恕！保]錯(cuò)。聽起來很合理。）“我們不堪重負(fù)，但我們又希望孩子能做到最好，我們不知道如何有效地利用自己的言語，讓孩子理解我們的意圖。所以，我們會想：‘好吧，管不了那么多了，眼下最緊急的是讓孩子完成任務(wù)，未來，他們會明白的。’但可惜的是，靠賄賂完成任務(wù)的孩子，關(guān)心的是賄賂，而不是任務(wù)。所以，賄賂是無用的。”

????那么，家長在使用賄賂和激勵(lì)時(shí)如何更有效果？首先，比切姆表示，停下來想一想自己為什么要這么做——然后將理由告訴孩子。假如孩子在暑假必須讀20本書。你希望他們完成目標(biāo)，并且愿意通過賄賂/激勵(lì)讓他們來完成目標(biāo)。但你真正希望的，是他們開始享受閱讀。只要這樣向孩子解釋便沒有問題。家長可以提出一些讓閱讀更有趣的方式。（在海灘上閱讀很有趣；在預(yù)定的熄燈時(shí)間之后拿出半個(gè)小時(shí)閱讀也很有趣。）

????卡蘭建議，獎勵(lì)孩子付出的努力而不是取得的成果（例如，獎勵(lì)孩子閱讀了30分鐘，而不是讀完一本書。）通過這樣做，閱讀速度慢的孩子就不會變得沮喪并放棄閱讀，因?yàn)樗麄冇型瑯拥臋C(jī)會獲得獎勵(lì)。而且，家長要明確告訴孩子，獎勵(lì)是僅限一段時(shí)間的。否則，你會遭受沒錢孩子們就不想讀書（或做某事）的風(fēng)險(xiǎn)。T Rowe的里特表示：“孩子的理解力很強(qiáng)。他們知道現(xiàn)在是什么情況。”（財(cái)富中文網(wǎng)）

????譯者：劉進(jìn)龍/汪皓

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????Okay, be honest: Do you bribe your kids? Do you offer them cash (or similar rewards) for good behavior? For grades? For abandoning the cell phone at the dinner table? For keeping the cursing at bay?

????I'll confess. I've done it, albeit with so-so results. (My offer to pay to go to the gym was initially welcomed then discarded in favor of other, non-sweat-producing activities.) And so have half of all parents, according to the most recent T. Rowe Price Kids and Money Survey. More than two-thirds of parents told the data collectors they're very or extremely concerned about setting a good financial example for their kids. Yet, bribery seems to fall within the acceptable boundaries.

????That raised three questions for me: First, is bribery on the up-and-up? Years back I listened regularly to a radio psychologist named Dr. Joy Browne. She was hugely in favor of bribery to get the desired results. But does that opinion extend to kids and money? Second, what's the difference between a bribe (which has huge negative connotations) and an incentive (which doesn't)? And third, if you decide a bribe is okay after all, how do you structure it to produce the outcome you're looking for? Here are the answers, one by one.

????Is bribery okay? Yes and no. If what you're looking for is a short-term fix -- getting your kid to try a new food, for example, or to capitulate and see the movie that the rest of the family wants to see -- a bribe can actually be fairly effective, says Dean Karlan, economics professor at Yale University and the founder of Stickk.com. You draw the line. The child toes it. You pay up. (As an example: A friend of mine was having trouble getting her child to sit down to write her essay for the common app. She offered a bribe -- even let the child name the amount. Fifty dollars and two-and-a-half hours later, the child emerged with a "beautiful essay." The reason this is such a good example is because it was a task that would never have to be completed again.)

????"The problem is that once that line is drawn you may have trouble getting your kid anywhere near it without a similar -- or larger -- payment in the future. "Understand, if doing X gets your kids Y, you're setting up a structure where that takes place," says Stuart Ritter, a certified financial planner with T. Rowe Price. That means it can be tough to produce the desired behavior without paying for it next time.

????What's the difference between a bribe and an incentive? Both are forms of negotiation. You give a little to get what you want, the child gives a little to do the same. The difference is that bribery usually happens in the crunch. For whatever reason, you feel your child's behavior must change immediately so you make an offer that you hadn't planned on making. Incentives are a little more planned. (In hindsight, my gym offer was more incentive than bribe.) You've thought about what sort of carrot might bring about the sort of behavioral change you're after, and you're prepared to make an offer to spur the change.

????Financial literacy expert Susan Beacham, founder of Money Savvy Generation, explains: "A lot of parents use a bribe not because we're confident it's the best parenting tool, but because we're tired." (Yep. That sounds about right.) "We're overwhelmed and we want our child to do what's best, and we can't figure out how to use our words effectively enough to get them to understand it. So we think to ourselves, 'Okay, the shortest distance between two points is to get them to just accomplish a task and over time, they'll get it.' Unfortunately, a child who is given a bribe to do something is focused on the bribe, not the task. So it doesn't work."

????So how do you use both bribes and incentives more effectively? First, says Beacham, stop and think about why you're doing this -- and communicate that to your child. Say your child has to read 20 books over the summer. You want them to accomplish their goal (and are willing to bribe/incentivize) them to do that. But what you really want is for them to start to enjoy reading. It's okay to explain that. And to offer ways to make the task more fun. (Reading on the beach is fun; so is a half-hour of reading time after what's supposed to be lights-out.)

????Karlan suggests rewarding effort rather than outcomes (i.e. 30 minutes of reading rather than completing a book). That way a slow reader is not likely to get frustrated and give up because he or she has the same shot at the reward. And make it clear that this is a limited-time offer. Otherwise, you risk them not wanting to read (or whatever) without being paid for it. "Kids are pretty perceptive," says T. Rowe's Ritter. "They're aware of what's going on."