????眾所周知，夫妻之間經常因為經濟問題發生爭吵。事實上，許多人爭吵的核心問題都與債務有關，而節日季更是經濟問題導致爭吵的高發期。

????信用分查詢網站CreditKarma.com近期一份調查的大標題稱，事實上，每十對夫妻中就有一對認為家中存在“經濟暴力”。這種說法對我而言很新鮮（我本人研究經濟問題已經有20年之久）——而且我認為許多讀者肯定也是第一次聽說。

????到底什么是經濟暴力？我們所說的青少年暴力、網絡暴力或者職場暴力等，都是指擁有權力的一方，威脅其他人按自己的意愿去做事。德雷塞爾大學（Drexel University）夫妻與家庭治療系（Couple and Family Therapy Department）的臨床訓練主任、關系治療師阿吉?J?艾倫博士認為，經濟暴力與其他暴力行為基本相同。“經濟暴力的根源也是權力和控制。也就是說，夫妻一方對于對方如何花錢，態度上非常專橫，令人懼怕。這也是夫妻關系即將出現問題的標志。”一個人的經濟自由越少，在這種關系當中就越容易受到傷害。

????我們在研究這些具體的暴力行為（CreditKarma將經濟暴力行為分成了五種）和應對方法之前，首先要拋棄一些先入為主的觀念。據CreditKarma網站的調查顯示，經濟暴力現象不存在性別差異。感覺受到欺負的男性與女性比例基本相同。這種現象在千禧一代和Y一代的年輕人當中要比在X一代和嬰兒潮一代更加普遍。而且，經濟暴力不分階層。弗吉尼亞州里士滿市的理財規劃師麗莎?哈徹曾就此寫過文章，表示自己親眼見過收入高達六位數的家庭和低收入家庭同樣存在經濟暴力現象。

????以下是四種最常見的暴力行為和應對建議：

????? 讓我對自己的購物習慣感到愧疚。首先，考慮一下是否有什么事情讓你感到“愧疚”。不論是為家人購買日用雜貨，還是在節日為所有人買禮物，只要你清楚自己是在理性購物，并不過火，也沒有超出家庭預算，就可以擺脫對方給你造成的愧疚感。可以要求與對方互換角色一周——這樣，從來沒有去過雜貨店、或者說從來沒有給孩子買過衣服的一方就能知道這些開銷到底有多大。另一方面，如果你的購物行為已經影響到了家庭支付其他賬單的能力或儲蓄的計劃，那么你可能已經深感愧疚，而對方的暴力只是火上澆油而已。從現在開始主動留意自己的消費情況，看看能否減少開支。

????We all know that couples fight about money. In fact, as many fights are debt-centric, the holidays are high season for knock down drag out financial brawls.

????But the fact that one in 10 married folks thinks their spouse is a financial bully? That headline, from a recent CreditKarma.com survey, was news to me—which makes me think it'll be news to you, too (I've been covering this world for 20 years.)

????What exactly is financially bullying? When we talk about teen bullying or online bullying or workplace bullying, it's when a person in a position of power intimidates another person to do what they want. Financial bullying is very much the same, says Relationship Therapist Argie J. Allen, Ph. D. Director of Clinical Training at Drexel University's Couple and Family Therapy Department. "Financial bullying is all about power and control. So one spouse might be particularly dictatorial – and intimidating -- over how the other handles money. It's also a sign of trouble to come. "The less financial freedom a person has, the more vulnerable they are in the relationship.

????Before we take a look at the specific bullying behaviors (CreditKarma isolated five) and what to do about them, let's dispense with some pre-conceived notions. According to the research, bullying is an equal opportunity offense. Just as many men feel bullied as women. It's actually more common among the younger members of the Millennial and Y generations than it is among Xers and Boomers. And, it happens across the economic spectrum. Lisa Hatcher, a financial planner in Richmond, VA who has written on the subject, says she sees it among six-figure earners as well as people who earn substantially less.

????Here are four of the most common bullying behaviors – and advice for how to deal:

????? Makes me feel guilty for my shopping habits. First, consider whether or not you have anything to feel "guilty" about. Whether you're buying groceries for your family – or gifts for everyone on your holiday list – knowing you're shopping smartly, not going overboard and keeping within the family budget, can help you shut down a bully's ability to make you feel guilty. Ask the bully to switch roles for a week – asking someone who never grocery shops or buys clothes for the kids will open their eyes to just how expensive it can be. If, on the other hand, your shopping is getting in the way of the family's ability to pay its other bills or save, chances are you feel guilty already and the bully is just piling on. Start tracking your spending independently to see where you can make cuts.