改變想法，就是改變你的世界。

——諾曼?文森特?皮爾博士

想法可以是出色的仆人，也可能變成頤指氣使的主人。

——或?yàn)樘K格拉底

或許你還記得，我寫博客的主題都是領(lǐng)導(dǎo)力。每一位成長(zhǎng)中的領(lǐng)導(dǎo)者都不能忽視自我提升和自我認(rèn)知。這兩點(diǎn)都是自控能力的具體內(nèi)容。所謂的“自控能力”到底是什么？在這篇文章里，我會(huì)解釋什么叫自控能力，詳細(xì)說(shuō)明所謂的“大謊言”是什么，然后提供一些避開(kāi)謊言陷阱的關(guān)鍵提示，以及實(shí)現(xiàn)自我控制的途徑。

什么是自控能力

我建議讀者們解放思想，重新認(rèn)識(shí)自控能力——因?yàn)榭赡芨阋郧跋氲牟灰粯印Ｒ话銇?lái)說(shuō)，人們?nèi)菀装炎钥嘏c多年苦練培養(yǎng)出來(lái)的技巧聯(lián)系起來(lái)。所以一提到自控，就會(huì)說(shuō)起運(yùn)動(dòng)健將、音樂(lè)大師、科學(xué)大牛、藝術(shù)巨匠、經(jīng)商達(dá)人等等例子。

但在剛剛提到的這些領(lǐng)域里，自控都是經(jīng)年累月刻苦練習(xí)之后的自然結(jié)果。花上一萬(wàn)小時(shí)就差不多了。一萬(wàn)小時(shí)的說(shuō)法來(lái)自于馬爾科姆?格拉德威爾所著的《異類：不一樣的成功啟示錄》，書中主要探討了如何能夠從剛剛“夠格”變成為某一領(lǐng)域里的“專家”。例如，想充分掌握拉小提琴的技巧就要訓(xùn)練一萬(wàn)個(gè)小時(shí)。不過(guò)這里的訓(xùn)練可不是隨隨便便的，而是專注并且充滿熱情的反復(fù)練習(xí)。訓(xùn)練時(shí)保持認(rèn)真的心態(tài)跟花費(fèi)時(shí)間累計(jì)一萬(wàn)個(gè)小時(shí)同樣重要。

但比技能訓(xùn)練更重要的是練習(xí)自我控制能力，也就是思想掌控。我認(rèn)為這才是最重要的能力，因?yàn)槿绻軌蚩刂扑枷耄傧肟刂破渌矫婢鸵兹绶凑屏恕？刂扑枷氩皇且直嫠枷敕绞秸_與否，然后只用“正確”和有用的思想，最重要的是充分挖掘潛能。

要掌控思想，就要先搞清楚思想的本質(zhì)，搞清楚我們究竟是思想的奴隸還是主人。很多人不知不覺(jué)就變成了思想的奴隸，終身受思想擺布而且從未意識(shí)到。最壞的思想我稱之為“大謊言”。如果沒(méi)法揭露大謊言的真相并且徹底拋棄，實(shí)現(xiàn)自我控制就是一個(gè)遙不可及的夢(mèng)。具體要怎樣做才能控制思想呢，此處按下不表。首先要接受一點(diǎn)，最重要的就是掌握思想的主動(dòng)權(quán)，否則根本無(wú)法實(shí)現(xiàn)真正的自我控制。

揭秘“大謊言”

那么，“大謊言”到底是什么？簡(jiǎn)而言之，就是人們?cè)谖鍤q之前就形成的核心觀念。“大謊言”有很多的表現(xiàn)形式，但最常見(jiàn)的就是“我有問(wèn)題”或“我不夠好”，再或“我的能力不足，還需要提高自己”。

如果誠(chéng)實(shí)地面對(duì)自己，你就會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)這些都是謊言。但很多人，事實(shí)上是大多數(shù)人都相信這是事實(shí)。結(jié)果是一輩子的大多數(shù)時(shí)間都在努力“證明”自己是優(yōu)秀的，勝任工作的，有能力的，有價(jià)值的，可愛(ài)的，等等。想起來(lái)了嗎，一切的源頭不過(guò)是一個(gè)謊言，為什么人們還要花費(fèi)這么多的精力去反駁？因?yàn)樗麄兩钌钕嘈胚@個(gè)謊言，已經(jīng)到了潛意識(shí)的層面，漸漸地大家都忘記了謊言的存在。

所以你會(huì)問(wèn)，如果我認(rèn)為自己愛(ài)犯錯(cuò)，能力不足，一文不值，錯(cuò)漏百出……這些都是謊言，那什么是真的？很高興你問(wèn)了。

真相是，每個(gè)人都有無(wú)窮的能量。每個(gè)人從出生起就是完美的，善良、高貴，擁有控制自我的一切條件。

其實(shí)每個(gè)人都享受著宇宙慷慨贈(zèng)予的免費(fèi)禮物，自始至終都擁有完整的、寶貴的自我。但是一旦接受了謊言，人類就會(huì)不知不覺(jué)地拋棄自己的能力，而且很難再記起。

可以把大謊言看作是“思想的源泉”，因?yàn)橹e言棲居在意識(shí)深處。意識(shí)中偶爾會(huì)冒出想法，但很大一部分都是謊言的產(chǎn)物。同時(shí)，思想看起來(lái)非常讓人信服，而且無(wú)比真實(shí)，很少會(huì)讓人抗拒。我們會(huì)認(rèn)為腦中的想法體現(xiàn)了真實(shí)的內(nèi)心，實(shí)際上并不是。我們看起來(lái)是產(chǎn)生思想的人，但在徹底拋棄謊言之前只能說(shuō)我們臣服于思想。

一切都始于很久之前的無(wú)心之失，從此人們困在了大謊言的陷阱里，窮盡一生與之對(duì)抗，但是就像陷在流沙里一樣，越掙扎就陷得越深。要是發(fā)現(xiàn)給自己挖了個(gè)坑，最好的應(yīng)對(duì)之策就是別再繼續(xù)挖。但令人驚訝的是，在沒(méi)有意識(shí)到大謊言在后臺(tái)操控（就像電腦里的操作系統(tǒng)一樣）之前，人們會(huì)不遺余力地證明謊言是正確的，證明事實(shí)上就是無(wú)法勝任，總想著“調(diào)整”自己，卻沒(méi)怎么花工夫來(lái)應(yīng)付真正的問(wèn)題：戳穿謊言。

好消息是：說(shuō)到底，大謊言只是一縷想法、一個(gè)概念、一種信念，只有抽象的存在而且自身并沒(méi)有力量，謊言的力量都是人類給的。跟對(duì)待所有的思想一樣，人們可以拒絕謊言、棄之如敝履，代之以更積極的想法。最好的消息就是，不管是現(xiàn)在還是過(guò)去，你都沒(méi)有問(wèn)題。宇宙不會(huì)孕育廢物。

記住這一招：頭腦中存在各種形式的大謊言，看起來(lái)都非常真實(shí)。人們被愚弄太久，所以謊言似乎成了事實(shí)。看到這里，如果你愿意練習(xí)集中精神，就可以試著掌控自己的思想，擺脫錯(cuò)誤想法，努力把注意力放在有益的想法上，脫離大謊言的影響。

實(shí)現(xiàn)自我掌控之路。要重新控制注意力，可以試試下面三個(gè)練習(xí)方法。當(dāng)然了，要付諸實(shí)踐只能靠你自己。可能會(huì)有想法冒出來(lái)說(shuō)“別浪費(fèi)時(shí)間了”，或是“可能會(huì)失敗吧”，或是“現(xiàn)在才開(kāi)始太晚了”。這些都是大謊言派來(lái)的干擾。我的建議是：別相信那些鬼話，它們不過(guò)都是大謊言身邊跟班的小謊言。

第一項(xiàng)練習(xí)：控制情緒

有個(gè)說(shuō)法是“生活不過(guò)是日日感受所思所想”。意思是，接受了負(fù)面想法后身體就會(huì)產(chǎn)生相關(guān)反應(yīng)，即“負(fù)面情緒”。想法會(huì)推動(dòng)身體產(chǎn)生情緒。

人們通常會(huì)“發(fā)現(xiàn)”自己情緒不佳，轉(zhuǎn)而認(rèn)為之所以心情差是命不好，都是別人的錯(cuò)。事實(shí)上，情緒好不好百分之百都是因?yàn)樽约骸Ｖ灰淖兿敕ǎ榫w自然就會(huì)變好。當(dāng)然，關(guān)鍵就是要了解這點(diǎn)。

要練習(xí)情緒控制，最簡(jiǎn)單的辦法就是積攢感激之情。每天早上拿著日記本安靜地坐一會(huì)，寫下值得感激的所有事情：健康、家庭、工作、生活、各種能力等等。每一條都認(rèn)真地想一會(huì)，深刻地體會(huì)擁有這一切是多么值得感激。不要只是把寫下的念出來(lái)，要用心感受。

每天要堅(jiān)持練習(xí)，情緒不好的時(shí)候，例如生氣、沮喪，自怨自艾的時(shí)候也可以隨時(shí)復(fù)習(xí)。你有沒(méi)有東西吃？有沒(méi)有水喝？有沒(méi)有空氣呼吸？心肺是不是都在正常工作？你是不是雙腿健全，想去哪就去哪，有雙眼能看盡繁華，雙耳能享受天籟，還能聽(tīng)見(jiàn)孩子的話語(yǔ)？很多人都做不到這些。每天都練習(xí)“感恩心態(tài)”，你會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)早已不見(jiàn)的集中的注意力將回到身邊。你又能選擇如何去感覺(jué)，不會(huì)再怨天尤人，心中只有基于自知的掌控。

第二項(xiàng)練習(xí)：學(xué)會(huì)“由內(nèi)而外地”生活

很多人都覺(jué)得“總是碰到事”，慢慢形成了固定的印象。確實(shí)，人活在世總會(huì)遇到點(diǎn)事，但如何應(yīng)對(duì)卻是因?yàn)槿绾蚊鎸?duì)“發(fā)生了什么”，與事情本身沒(méi)有多大關(guān)系。除了自己沒(méi)有旁人能夠強(qiáng)迫你這樣感覺(jué)那樣感覺(jué)，但在現(xiàn)實(shí)當(dāng)中確實(shí)經(jīng)常聽(tīng)到有人把情緒怪罪到別人的頭上，比如“她惹我生氣的”，“他讓我自慚形穢”。再說(shuō)一遍，事實(shí)上都是大謊言在作祟，根本原因是你早已相信自己能力不足，命又不好，才給了別人機(jī)會(huì)來(lái)左右你的感受。但不是你想的那樣！生活應(yīng)該“由內(nèi)而外地”感受，而不是反過(guò)來(lái)。

很多孩子小時(shí)候都有玩偶、泰迪熊或是“安全毯”，仿佛這些東西能夠提供安慰、安全感和快樂(lè)。你小時(shí)候有么？問(wèn)題來(lái)了，你真覺(jué)得被愛(ài)、安全感、快樂(lè)的感覺(jué)和精力是來(lái)自于沒(méi)有生命的小玩偶或泰迪熊么？當(dāng)然不是！這些美好的感覺(jué)都是來(lái)自于你的內(nèi)心，你只是覺(jué)得美好的感覺(jué)來(lái)自于外物罷了。同理，不開(kāi)心時(shí)也習(xí)慣于怪罪他人或者是時(shí)運(yùn)不濟(jì)。有時(shí)人們甚至以為真有什么神奇的人能夠“讓人”開(kāi)心起來(lái)。

練習(xí)其實(shí)很簡(jiǎn)單。拿出一張空白的紙，在中間畫一條豎線。左邊畫一個(gè)人，右邊畫一個(gè)玩偶或泰迪熊。想象畫中的人感覺(jué)被愛(ài)、安全、開(kāi)心、快樂(lè)。問(wèn)問(wèn)自己：“這個(gè)人內(nèi)心的感覺(jué)跟泰迪熊有多少關(guān)系呢？”以后在開(kāi)心或不開(kāi)心的時(shí)候都想想這個(gè)練習(xí)。提醒自己這些感覺(jué)都是從內(nèi)心產(chǎn)生的，不是外界強(qiáng)加的。提醒自己“感受所思所想”。

通過(guò)練習(xí)就能把注意力重新調(diào)整到情緒的源頭，不管是開(kāi)心還是不開(kāi)心，都要關(guān)注思想和由之催生的情緒。別再怪別人了，也別再怪命不好，最重要的就是別再把自己當(dāng)成無(wú)力反抗的受害者。練習(xí)一段時(shí)間后就會(huì)習(xí)慣正確的思維方式。

第三項(xiàng)練習(xí)：“別以為想法決定了你是什么樣的人”

記住：你是怎樣的人跟想法一點(diǎn)關(guān)系都沒(méi)有，你應(yīng)該是清醒的掌控想法的自我。“你”是沉默的目擊者，你是真正的主人。下面有一項(xiàng)簡(jiǎn)單的練習(xí)，在腦中或是紙上都能做，隨時(shí)隨地都可以做。

1. 想象一次跟別人，比如跟同事或者是伴侶之間不歡而散的談話。

2. 回想一下當(dāng)時(shí)那些人具體說(shuō)的話、語(yǔ)音語(yǔ)調(diào)、面部表情、身體語(yǔ)言，當(dāng)然還有當(dāng)時(shí)如何不開(kāi)心。

3. 在腦中想象自己懸浮在半空中“旁觀”，看自己跟另外一個(gè)人談話。你能看見(jiàn)、聽(tīng)見(jiàn)所有的事情，不同的只是你沒(méi)在“自己的身體里”，就是一種靈魂出竅的感覺(jué)，在想象中體會(huì)觀察那場(chǎng)談話。

4. 在日記本里以第三人稱角度寫下“兩人之間的談話”，給雙方起個(gè)名字，比如A先生和B女士。寫寫兩個(gè)人的感受，推測(cè)兩人當(dāng)時(shí)的感覺(jué)。寫下兩頁(yè)紙，通過(guò)紙面上的回顧來(lái)重溫當(dāng)時(shí)的談話，一定要有作為旁觀者的距離感。要充分考慮雙方的立場(chǎng)，不要武斷下結(jié)論。

每天堅(jiān)持練習(xí)，一定要用親身經(jīng)歷當(dāng)素材，每次花15分鐘。寫完之后仔細(xì)體會(huì)抽身旁觀的感覺(jué)，放棄以自己為中心的視角，試著完全從第三人的立場(chǎng)來(lái)觀察。我保證如果天天練的話，這項(xiàng)練習(xí)會(huì)很有用，你會(huì)從中獲得巨大的自我掌控力量。因?yàn)槟銜?huì)重新發(fā)現(xiàn)真實(shí)的自我。其中的好處我不想贅述，親自嘗試之后自然會(huì)明白。

掌握自控能力有什么好處？

? 重獲自由的感覺(jué)，生命煥發(fā)活力

? 拋開(kāi)大謊言，再也不用受之欺騙，而且謊言會(huì)看起來(lái)很可笑！

? 自知能力會(huì)隨著自我滿意程度的上升而提高

? 自信大為提高，會(huì)明白自己已經(jīng)很好，沒(méi)有必要調(diào)整

? 意識(shí)到別人都在“由外而內(nèi)地”生活，他們都相信周遭環(huán)境影響了內(nèi)心感覺(jué)，也影響了機(jī)會(huì)，你可以為他們提供善意的幫助，讓他們知道你的觀點(diǎn)。

? 一旦明白了“生活不過(guò)是日日感受所思所想”，就不會(huì)再忘記

? 你會(huì)重新發(fā)現(xiàn)快樂(lè)并不是“目的地”或是終極目標(biāo)，快樂(lè)隨時(shí)伴你同行，等待著你重新發(fā)現(xiàn)。之前獲得快樂(lè)的阻礙只是思維方式。

? 你會(huì)明白生活中總有選擇：無(wú)論何時(shí)都可以選擇開(kāi)心，面對(duì)大謊言時(shí)會(huì)知道如何應(yīng)對(duì)。問(wèn)題是你會(huì)怎么選。

做這些練習(xí)在職場(chǎng)上有什么幫助呢？很明顯，快樂(lè)、自信、又有自知之明的人在面臨業(yè)務(wù)上的挑戰(zhàn)時(shí)會(huì)更有創(chuàng)造性，也更有效率。他們是和善的同事、優(yōu)秀的團(tuán)隊(duì)成員、高效的合作方，因?yàn)樗麄儚膩?lái)對(duì)事不對(duì)人，做事擅長(zhǎng)為他人考慮，充滿智慧，自控能力更是一流。換句話說(shuō)，這樣的人會(huì)成為商業(yè)領(lǐng)袖。

擺脫謊言困擾一定要花一萬(wàn)個(gè)小時(shí)嗎？不一定。每天早晚練習(xí)，堅(jiān)持六周看看有什么變化。我很期待聽(tīng)到你們的經(jīng)歷。多數(shù)人對(duì)這篇文章也就是看看算了，轉(zhuǎn)頭就忘。你會(huì)怎么做？（財(cái)富中文網(wǎng)）

“Change your thoughts and you change your world.”

Dr. Norman Vincent Peale

“Thoughts can be wonderful servants but they make terrible masters.”

Attributed to Socrates

If you recall this is a blog about leadership. For every emerging leader there is an aspect of self-development and self-awareness that cannot be overlooked. This is the dimension of Personal Mastery. But what does “personal mastery” even mean? In this article I want to explore a definition of Personal Mastery, examine what I call “The Big Lie” and then look at some key steps that you can follow to move beyond the lie and find your own personal path to mastery.

Defining Personal Mastery

I’m going to suggest that you open your mind to a new understanding of personal mastery; it is probably different than what you thought. Most often when we think of ‘mastery’ we think of things like skills that we develop through years and years of patient practice. Usually when we talk about mastery, we think of things like sports, music, the sciences, the arts, business skills and similar examples.

Mastery in any of those areas is a by-product of steady, unrelenting practice, putting in the “ten thousand hours” as suggested by Malcolm Gladwell in his book “Outliers” which is a study of what makes people merely “successful” versus “masterful.” To master the violin, for example, you need to put in 10,000 hours of practice. But, not merely ‘practice’---practice with focused intention and passion. The mindset of the person practicing and the 10,000 hours are of equal importance.

But beyond the mastery of physical skills, there is another kind of mastery that is developed within oneself, the mastery of one’s thoughts. And for me, it is the supreme mastery because with mastery over one’s thoughts, any other form of mastery is going to be much easier. It isn’t about figuring out which thoughts are ‘right’ or which thoughts are ‘bad’ and then only entertaining ‘good’ thoughts, though that can be helpful. It’s about discovering the awesome power that lies hidden inside of yourself.

Mastery of thought begins with the understanding of the nature of thought and whether we are its’ servant or its’ master. The answer for most people is that they have unwittingly become the servant of their thoughts, enslaved by their own thinking, without being aware that this is so. The worst of these thoughts is what I call “The Big Lie.” Until one uncovers and discards The Big Lie, personal mastery is going to remain elusive, unattainable, a mere dream, out of reach. Regarding the “how to” of mastering our thinking, we will come back to that. For now, just be open to the idea that until we are masters of our own thoughts, we will be cut off from meaningful personal mastery.

Uncovering “The Big Lie”

So, what is “The Big Lie?” In short, it is a core belief that human beings agree to before they are five years old. It has many variations but the essence of The Big Lie is “Something is wrong with me” or “I am not good enough” or “I’m inadequate and so I have to prove myself.”

If you are honest with yourself, you know about this lie…and…many people, most people in fact, believe it is the truth. As a result they spend much of their life energy trying to ‘prove’ that they are good, adequate, capable, worthy, lovable, etc. But remember…it was a lie to begin with…so, why do people spend so much energy trying to disprove it? Because they believe it, deep down, at an unconscious level, and, over time have lost awareness of this belief.

So you will ask, if being wrong, inadequate, unworthy, incapable, flawed, defective…are all lies…then what is the truth? I’m glad you asked!

The truth is that each person is powerful beyond measure. Each person is already perfect at the moment of birth with all the goodness and worthiness and resources they will even need to achieve mastery in their lives.

They receive a free gift from the Universe: everyone is whole and valuable, and that never changes. But because of The Big Lie, they have unknowingly abdicated their power when they agreed with the lie, and then forgot about it.

You may think of The Big Lie as a “thought generator” because it lies in the core of your consciousness. From time to time, thoughts appear in your consciousness and a high percentage of them will be mirroring your big lie. At the same time, thoughts seem so compelling and real, you seldom challenge them. We actually think our thoughts are ‘who we are.’ No, they are not. We are the one who has the thought. But until we discard The Big Lie, it is more accurate to say “our thoughts have us.”

Through an innocent mistake, long ago, we have simply fallen into a trap of believing The Big Lie and as a result we spend our life energy struggling against it and the more we struggle, like being in quicksand, the deeper we sink. When you dig yourself into a hole…the best thing to do is to stop digging! But, amazingly, when we are not aware of The Big Lie operating in the background (like the OS of a computer) we will spend more energy proving it is true, proving that we are right about being inadequate, trying to ‘fix’ ourselves, and very little energy dealing with the real issue: getting rid of the lie!

Here’s the good news: in the end, The Big Lie is just a thought, a concept, a belief, and abstraction and has no power except the power you have loaned to it. Like any other thought, it can be, rejected and discarded and replaced with more useful thoughts of your choosing. The best news of course is that there is nothing wrong with you now and there never has been anything wrong with you. The Universe does not make junk.

Here’s the Catch: The Big Lie shows up in your thoughts in a myriad of forms that may seem ‘real’ unmasked to you because you have entertained the lie for so long, it seems like reality. Seeing this, you can take action to get on the path of personal mastery over your thoughts and false beliefs…if…you are willing to practice the art of attention…focusing your attention on thoughts that serve you instead of The Big Lie that enslaves you.

Your Personal Path to Mastery. Here are three exercises that anyone can practice to begin to regain personal control over their power of attention. Of course, its’ up to you to choose to do the work. And, your thoughts may tell you “Don’t waste your time” or “I’ll probably fail” or “It’s too late for me.” Those are examples of thoughts generated by The Big Lie. My advice: don’t believe them. They are all just small lies, generated by the Big Lie.

Exercise No.1: Mastering Your Emotional State.

There is a saying that “We are always living in the feeling of our thinking.” This means that, when we believe a negative thought, there is a reaction in our body and we experience a ‘negative’ emotion. Thoughts trigger emotional states in the body.

Usually we ‘find ourselves’ in an unwanted emotional state and then we blame our circumstances or other people for our unhappy feeling. The truth is, your emotional state is always 100% in your power to control. You just have to change the thought and your emotional state will change. And, of course you need to ‘see’ that this is so.

The easiest way to experience your power over your state is to learn to focus your attention on the feeling of Being Grateful. Sit down each morning with your journal and start listing everything you can think of that you can be grateful for: your health, your family, your job, your life, you abilities, etc. Then focus on them one at a time and really feel how grateful you are for each thing on your list. Not just ‘reading’ the words but experiencing the emotion of gratefulness inside your body.

Keep doing this every day and do it anytime when you ‘find yourself’ in a bad mood, feeling angry, frustration, self-pity, whatever. Do you have food to eat and water to drink? Do you have air to breathe? Are your lungs working? Your heart? Do you have legs to take you places, and eyes to see things and ears to hear music and the sound of your child’s voice? Many people do not. Practice “The Attitude of Gratitude” throughout the day and you will discover that the power of your attention that you abdicated will return to you. You will regain the power to choose how you feel, not based on ‘circumstances’ but based on your mastery over your own awareness.

Exercise No. 2: Learning to Experience Life “Inside-Out”

Most people still believe that “things happen to them” and then as a result, they feel a certain way. While it is true that “things happen,” how you feel is always a result of your own thought about “what happened” and never caused by the event itself. No one can “make you feel” this way or that way…though it is common to hear people blame others for their feelings “She made me angry” or “He made me feel small.” The truth, again, is that due to The Big Lie, you are ready to believe that you are inadequate, a victim of circumstances, and that other people can decide how you feel. It just isn’t so! Live is lived “from the inside-out” and not from “the outside-in.”

Most children when small have a doll or a Teddy Bear or a ‘security blanket’ that seems to bring them comfort, a sense of safety and happiness when they need it. Did you have something like that? So here’s a question: do you really think your feelings and experience of love, safety, happiness…came from an inanimate doll or Teddy Bear? Of course not! Those nice feelings were created by you, inside yourself…and then you ‘blamed’ the feelings on the object. In the same way, when we feel unhappy, we have the habit of ‘blaming’ other people or circumstances for our bad or unhappy feelings. We even believe that some magical person ‘out there’ can ‘make us’ happy.

This exercise is very simple. Just draw a vertical line down the middle of a blank page. On the left side, draw a person. On the right side, draw a doll or Teddy Bear. Imagine the person is feeling loved, safe, happy, joyful. Now ask yourself: “How likely is it that the person ‘received’ those feelings from the Teddy? Keep this experience in mind each time you ‘find yourself’ feeling unhappy feelings, or happy feelings. Remind yourself that the feelings came from inside of you, not from the outside. Remind yourself that “I am always living in the feeling of my thinking.”

By practicing this, you will be able to refocus your attention to the source of your unhappiness---or happiness---your own thoughts and the emotions they trigger. You can stop blaming others or blaming circumstances, and most importantly, you can stop feeling like a powerless victim. After a period of practice, this pattern will become automatic for you.

Exercise No. 3: “Don’t Believe Your Thoughts are Who You Are”

Remember: you are NOT your thoughts…you are the consciousness that observes your thoughts. “You” are the silent witness. You are the master. Here’s an easy exercise you can do, in your mind and on paper, anytime and anywhere.

1. Think of an unhappy conversation with another person, a colleague, spouse, etc.

2. Now re-imagine the words that were spoken by ‘those people’---what they said, their tone of voice, facial expression, body language and of course the feeling of unhappiness

3. In your mind’s eye, “see” those two people as if you were hovering 20 feet in the air above them and they are ‘way down there’ having the conversation. You can see and hear everything. What is different is that you are not ‘in your body’ but rather you are ‘dissociated’ from yourself and you have the experience (in your imagination) of observing “those people down there.”

4. Finally, in your journal, write about “those people” who had that conversation and do it in 3rd person. You will not use the word “I” at all. You can give them names like “Mr. A” and “Miss B.” Write about how “those people” were feeling and what “those people” must have been thinking. Write about two pages until you have captured the experience on paper and you can really feel some “distance” between you as the observer and that person “down there.” Begin to develop some compassion for ‘those people’ and let your harsh judgments drop away.

Do this every day with one recent personal experience only. Spend 15 minutes each time. After each writing notice how different it feels when you dissociate yourself from the situation, discard the “I” position and simply see and hear the situation as an observer. I promise you this is a powerful exercise and if you practice it daily, it will lead you to a great deal of personal power. Because you will rediscover who you really are. I can’t say a lot more about that because it is something you must choose to do.

What Can you Gain from Personal Mastery

? You can regain a sense of personal freedom and power in your life

? You will discard the Big Lie and never believe it again…it will seem ludicrous to you!

? Your personal self-awareness will continue to grow along with your personal satisfaction

? You will trust yourself deeply, knowing there is nothing that needs fixing

? You will realize that everyone you meet is living “outside-in”---believing that their circumstances cause their feelings and their possibilities, and you can use your awareness in compassionate ways to help them ‘see’ what you now see.

? Once you ‘see’ that you are “always living in the feeling of your thinking’ you won’t be able to ‘un-see’ it again

? You will rediscover that happiness is not a ‘destination’ or a goal…it has always been their inside of you, waiting for you to rediscover it. It was only your thinking that got in the way.

? And you will know that you always have a choice: you can be happy…or you can be ‘right’ about your Big Lie. Which will you choose.

So what’s the benefit of all this from a business perspective? Well I hope it is 100% obvious that happy, confident self-aware people are going to be more productive and more effective in meeting business challenges. And they are going to be better colleagues, team members, collaborators….because they are never going to take anything personally. Instead they will operate from a state of deep compassion, wisdom and…personal mastery. In other words, they will be leaders.

Will it take ten thousand hours? Not likely. Practice these exercises morning and night and in between for six weeks and experience the changes. I’ll be looking forward to hearing about what happens. Most people will simply read this article and forget about it. What will you do?