5大生存法則：遭遇吹毛求疵的老板怎么辦？
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????親愛的安妮：如果你的上司總是指責你的言行，你會如何應對？八個月前，我被這家公司錄用，當時我非常興奮（我一直希望在這里工作），然而，夢想的工作如今卻變成了噩夢。原因就是我的上司，他對我做的任何事都不滿意。最初，我以為是我的原因，所以我加倍努力來取悅他。可過了一段時間，我才意識到，即使我完全按照他的要求完成任務，他也會毫不留情地批評指責，讓我感覺自己就像個傻瓜一樣。 ????很明顯，我并不是第一個被他這樣對待的人。一位同事告訴我說，我是過去六年里第九個從事這份工作的人，之前的所有人都是主動辭職。我并不想辭職，但他給我造成了太大的壓力，讓我晚上睡不好覺，第二天上班的時候也是膽戰心驚。請幫幫我！——絕望的達拉斯人 ????親愛的絕望者：唉！首先，接受現實吧，你的上司不會有任何改變。蒙莫斯大學（Monmouth University）咨詢心理學教授艾倫?卡瓦伊奧拉認為：“具有‘控制型完美主義’性格的人不可能對任何事情滿意。所以，別傻了，不要以為自己只要足夠努力，就能得到他的認可。”卡瓦伊奧拉曾與人合作出版過一本與此相關的書，名為《無法取悅：如何應對完美主義的同事、具有控制欲的配偶和其他吹毛求疵的人》無論如何，你的上司可能是一位非常不快樂的人。“控制型完美主義者源自他們內心的自卑，”卡瓦伊奧拉說。他將這種性格與斯德哥爾摩綜合癥進行了對比，“他們的世界觀，會受到兒童時期經常批評他們的人的影響，通常是在心理上有虐待傾向的家長。” ????他補充道：“這些人非常痛苦，而痛苦需要有人分擔。”但這并不意味著你要被上司折磨，變得跟他一樣不快樂。卡瓦伊奧拉推薦了五種應對策略： ????1. 不要把他經常性的吹毛求疵放在心上。當然，說起來容易做起來難。但你要記住，之前已經有八個人辭職了，所以，很明顯問題并不在你身上。如果你能夠保持一定的情感距離，你所承受的壓力也會大大減少。經常提醒自己，這就是他的做事方式。不要被他的憤怒同化（更不要像你說的那樣，“感覺自己是個傻瓜”），而是要努力避開他的憤怒情緒。 |
????Dear Annie: How do you handle working for someone who constantly rips apart everything you do or say? I was really excited to get hired eight months ago at this company (I've always wanted to work here), but my dream job has turned into a nightmare. The reason is my boss, who is never satisfied with anything. At first, I thought it was just me, so I tried harder and harder to please him. But after a while I realized that, when I do a task exactly as he requested it, he still tears it to shreds and leaves me feeling like an idiot. ????I'm apparently not the first person to get this treatment from him. A colleague told me I am the ninth person to hold this job in the past six years, because my predecessors all quit. I'd rather not do that, but he's stressing me out so badly that I can't sleep and dread coming to the office in the morning. Help! — Desperate in Dallas ????Dear Desperate: Yikes. First of all, accept the fact that this boss is not going to change. "People with a personality type we call 'controlling perfectionist' are impossible to please, so don't be fooled into thinking that, if you just try hard enough, you'll win his approval," says Alan Cavaiola, a professor of counseling psychology at Monmouth University who co-wrote a whole book about this, called Impossible to Please: How to Deal With Perfectionist Coworkers, Controlling Spouses, and Other Incredibly Critical People.（Impossible to Please: How to Deal With Perfectionist Coworkers, Controlling Spouses, and Other Incredibly Critical People）For what it's worth, your boss is probably a very unhappy guy. "Controlling perfectionists grew up feeling inferior themselves," Cavaiola says and, in a variation of the Stockholm Syndrome, "they adopt the worldview of whoever criticized them incessantly as children, usually a psychologically abusive parent. ????"These are people who are miserable," he adds. "And misery loves company." That doesn't mean, however, that you have to let this boss make you as unhappy as he is. Cavaiola recommends five strategies for coping: ????1. Don't take his constant carping personally. Easier said than done, of course, but bear in mind that eight people before you quit this job, so clearly the problem is not you. You'll be much less stressed if you can keep some emotional distance. Practice reminding yourself that this is just the way he is. Rather than absorbing his wrath (and feeling "like an idiot," as you say), try to let it bounce off you. |
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