????自1789年以來，自詡為“英國頂級禮儀與舉止專家”的德布雷特出版公司（Debrett's）就一直出版各種權威禮儀指南，教導人們如何機智、有教養并沉著地處理各種社交問題。

????現在，這家出版公司又瞄準了人生中一個重大的難題：離婚。

????《德布雷特文明離婚指南》（Debrett’s Guide to Civilised Separation）一書將于2月29日問世。這本書由Mishcon de Reya律師事務所的家庭法律部編撰，探討了離婚這個格外充滿火藥味的話題。這家律師事務所總部位于倫敦，是一家歐洲法律機構。（雖然這本新書并沒有不知分寸地亂說，但Mishcon de Reya事務所確實在威爾士王妃離婚案中擔任了戴安娜王妃的法律代表。）

????這本裝幀精美的平裝本共61頁，封面是一只面無表情的愛情鳥正在飛離它那面無表情的前任“愛侶”。Mishcon de Reya事務所的律師們一直站在必要的距離之外觀察離婚這個情緒化的過程。他們在書中根據大量的觀察，給出了富有同情心但又異常冷靜的建議。美國人或許會對這種教授禮儀的概念不屑一顧，不過這本書實際上只是試圖提供一些合理的建議，幫助讀者在這個讓人倍感煎熬的過程中實現最高的效率，以及最大程度地降低對孩子的傷害。律師們指出，遵循書中的建議也可以讓人們省下一筆錢，不用花冤枉錢去資訊按小時收費的律師；正如羅伯特?路易斯?斯蒂文森曾說過的：“體諒是最出色、最便宜的律師。”

????Mishcon de Reya事務所離婚部門的負責人桑德拉?戴維斯在一次采訪中表示，書中的建議當然是“人們夢寐以求的”，“因為離婚必然具有非常巨大的破壞力。人們有時候難免情緒低落，也無法拿出極佳的自制力來積極應對所有的情況。但可以肯定的是，如果離婚牽扯到小孩，能否保持共同撫養的關系是非常重要的一點?！?/p>

????Mishcon de Reya事務所的紐約地區家庭法律合伙人邁克爾?斯塔特曼在一次采訪中稱，保障孩子們的情緒健康不僅是為了孩子們好，同時也是明智的理財策略。他解釋道，事情搞得一團糟之后再做補救需要花錢，但合作卻能省下這筆的費用。譬如下面這種情況：（因為處理不善）“孩子開始出現注意力不集中、容易分心、焦慮等現象，（做父母的只得心急火燎地）帶他們去看治療師和心理輔導師。”。

????這本書的建議涉及范圍很廣，也很實用，包括：如何告訴孩子父母要離婚的消息；出席法庭時穿什么，在法庭上的行為舉止應該注意什么問題；如何以及在哪里進行探視交接；如何處理離婚后男孩的受誡禮、婚禮以及葬禮；如何從頭再來，投入新的戀情，等等。

????Since 1789 the Debrett's publishing house, which describes itself as "Britain's leading experts on manners and behaviour," has been offering authoritative guides on how to handle life's social curveballs with tact, breeding, and aplomb.

????Now it has addressed one of life's high, inside fastballs: divorce.

????Its volume on this unusually bellicose subject was authored by the family law department of Mishcon de Reya, a London-based, transatlantic law firm. The resulting collaboration, Debrett's Guide to Civilised Separation, debuts February 29. (Though the book is never so indiscreet as to say so, Mishcon represented Diana, Princess of Wales, in connection with her divorce.)

????In this handsome, 61-page paperback—the cover shows a poker-faced lovebird taking flight from its poker-faced ex-mate—the Mishcon lawyers provide compassionate but clear-eyed advice about the emotional process they've observed so many times from a healthy distance. Though Americans may bridle at the notion of being taught manners, the book really just aims to give sound advice for getting through the ordeal with maximum dispatch and minimum damage to children. Following its advice could save you some billable hours, too, the solicitors point out, since, as Robert Louis Stevenson once observed, "Compromise is the best and cheapest lawyer."

????The book's advice is, of course, "aspirational," says Sandra Davis, the head of Mishcon's divorce unit, in an interview, "because inevitably divorce is a very destructive event and people don't always feel at their best nor can they react positively to every situation with a great degree of control. But certainly when there are children involved it's important to be able to maintain a co-parenting relationship."

????While safeguarding the children's emotional health is its own reward, it happens to be sound financial policy, too, notes Mishcon's New York-based family law partner, Michael Stutman, in an interview. Cooperation can save expenses on "all the collaterals" of "unwinding the mess that you've made," he explains, like when "you start trotting the children off to therapists and tutors because they're not paying attention, because they're distracted, because they're anxious."

????The book's advice is wide-ranging and practical, including suggestions about how to tell the children; how to dress and behave in court; how and where to conduct visitational handovers; how to deal with post-divorce bar mitzvahs, weddings, and funerals; getting back on your feet romantically, and more.