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????親愛的安妮：我最近讀到了一篇您的專欄文章，內(nèi)容是如何巧妙利用關(guān)系網(wǎng)，同時保持好人緣。我最近就為您提到的這種“社交疲勞”而困擾不已。由于我曾經(jīng)擔任過幾個頗為顯要的職位，所以在行業(yè)內(nèi)頗有名氣，也認識不少業(yè)內(nèi)人士，結(jié)果各類求助信息紛至沓來，希望我能夠幫忙推薦（既有“面對面”的，也有在線方式），引薦或提供就業(yè)信息及建議等。 ????我也希望能幫上忙，尤其是為那些花了很長時間找工作的人，但現(xiàn)在情況已經(jīng)失去了控制。我是否有義務推薦他們？對于有些求助的人，我甚至都不了解他們的工作情況；而在我了解的人當中，有些人本身做得就不夠好。我能不能只回復個別人的求助，同時又能確保我的社交關(guān)系網(wǎng)不被破壞？——萬人迷先生 ????親愛的萬人迷：首先來回答你的第一個問題：不，只要你不愿意，你就沒有義務去給任何人提供推薦信。從法律上來講，前雇主壓根沒有義務對任何推薦請求做出回應，大部分大公司的政策是，（可完全自主決定）只提供最少的信息，比如工作職位與受雇日期等。 ????撇開法律規(guī)定不談，你最大的難題在于，既要做出正確的選擇，又要保證不被這些事情占據(jù)你全部的業(yè)余時間。 ????高管求職網(wǎng)站TheLadders.com的創(chuàng)始人兼CEO馬克?塞內(nèi)德爾對此有自己的看法。他與你一樣，也曾因為大量社交圈內(nèi)的求助而困擾不已。他提供了以下四條建議： ????1. 設定時間限制。他強調(diào)：“其實，這也屬于時間管理問題，就如同你能夠拿出多少時間指導孩子的足球隊，或者你每周能有幾個小時做義工。答案可能是沒空，或者10個小時，或者完全視自己的情況而定。但一定要提前確定自己愿意拿出的時間，并始終堅持這個既定的時限。” ????2. 把大部分時間和精力用在最感興趣的交流上。為了使自己的投入物有所值，應保證雙贏的社交關(guān)系。塞內(nèi)德爾表示：“如果幫助他人能讓自己也有所收獲，就不會感覺筋疲力盡。其中有一點需要明確，你是喜歡與10個人每人聊10分鐘，還是寧愿與更少的人進行更深入的討論？了解自己的風格，可以協(xié)助確定自己的策略。” ????下面這個例子是塞內(nèi)德爾的親身經(jīng)歷：作為一家成功公司的創(chuàng)始人，他經(jīng)常收到創(chuàng)業(yè)者的來信，向他征求意見。通常，為了將真誠求教的人和其他人區(qū)別開來，他會先向他們推薦一本書——由風險投資家杰西卡?利文斯頓編寫的《創(chuàng)業(yè)者》（Founders at Work）。 ????塞內(nèi)德爾說：“如果他們愿意先讀一讀這本書，然后再回頭來找我，我們就可以在同一層次上展開討論，進行有益的思想交流。我發(fā)現(xiàn)，從他們身上我同樣學到了不少東西。” ????3. 培養(yǎng)獨立討論，讓自己脫身。這一方法可以充分利用互聯(lián)網(wǎng)。塞內(nèi)德爾稱：“大多數(shù)情況下，征求意見的人面臨相同的問題和擔憂。如果能夠在求職網(wǎng)站或在線社交網(wǎng)站中建立一個博客或討論小組，你會發(fā)現(xiàn)，人們可以為彼此的問題給出有用的答復。當然，你也可以，而且也必須親自參與其中，但不必始終耗在那里。” ????4. 不必為此感到焦慮。幫助他人的愿望值得贊揚，但如果無法在自己設定的時限內(nèi)回復所有的請求，塞內(nèi)德爾建議人們“不必因此感到愧疚。大家都知道你（肩負重任），忙得不可開交，畢竟，這也是他們希望獲得你的推薦或建議的原因所在。” ????他建議，對于那些不論出于何種原因，必須回絕的請求，“可以在電子郵件中設定固定的回復，比如‘很抱歉，由于時間原因，本人無法處理您關(guān)于……的請求。’每天的時間是有限的。沒人會為此說你的不是。” ????反饋：你是否也曾經(jīng)收到過大量社交方面的請求，或是希望提供推薦信的請求呢？你是如何應對的呢？歡迎留言，發(fā)表評論。 ????（翻譯 劉進龍） |
????Dear Annie: Your column on how to network without wearing out one's welcome caught my eye, because I've been struggling with the exact kind of "networking fatigue" you mentioned. Thanks to a couple of high-profile positions I've held, I'm very visible in my industry, and know a great many people in it, so I receive a constant flood of requests for recommendations (both "live" and online), references, introductions, job leads, advice, and so on. ????I want to be helpful, especially to people who have been job hunting for a long time, but this is networking run amok. Do I have an obligation to serve as a reference, even for people whose work I either don't know that well or don't think was so great? And can I honor some requests for help and not others without burning any bridges? — Mr. Popularity ????Dear MP: To answer your first question first: No. You are under no obligation to give anyone a reference if you would rather not. Legally, past employers aren't required to respond at all to reference requests, and most big companies have a policy of limiting their (entirely optional) responses to a bare minimum of information, i.e., job title and dates of employment. ????But legalities aside, your larger dilemma is how to do the right thing without letting your helpfulness eat up every spare minute of your day. ????Marc Cenedella, founder and CEO of executive career site TheLadders.com, has a few thoughts on this since he, like you, is constantly besieged by networking requests. He offers these four suggestions: ????1. Set a time limit. "In essence, this is a time management issue like any other, whether it's how much time you're able to spend coaching your child's soccer team or how many hours per week you want to put into volunteer work," he notes. "The answer could be zero, or 10, or whatever works for you. But decide in advance what you're willing to commit to, and then stick to that." ????2. Devote the most time and energy to the conversations you enjoy most. To be worth doing at all, networking should be a two-way street. "If you're also getting something out of helping others, it will keep you from burning out," Cenedella says. "One aspect of this is, do you enjoy chatting with 10 people for 10 minutes each, or would you rather have fewer, more in-depth discussions? Knowing your own style will help determine your strategy." ????An example from his own experience: As the founder of a successful company, Cenedella says he hears from lots of entrepreneurs looking to pick his brain. To separate the truly serious inquiries from the less so, he usually recommends a book like Founders at Work by venture capitalist Jessica Livingston. ????"If someone is willing to read that and get back to me, so we start our discussion on the same page so to speak, then we can have a meaningful exchange of ideas," Cenedella says. "I've found I learn a lot from them." ????3. Foster a discussion that's independent of you. Here's one way the Internet can come in handy. "Many times people looking for advice share each others' questions and concerns," Cenedella observes. "If you set up a blog or a discussion group on a career site or an online social network, you usually find that people will address helpful comments to each other. You can and should weigh in, of course, but you don't need to be there all the time." ????4. Don't angst over it. Although your desire to help people is laudable, if you find that you just can't respond to all requests within the time limit you've set for yourself, "don't feel guilty," Cenedella advises. "Everyone knows you're incredibly busy. It's why they want your recommendation or your advice in the first place." ????For requests you need to turn down for whatever reason, "create a stock response you can email that says something like, 'Sorry, but due to time pressures, I can't honor requests for…,'" he suggests. "There are only so many hours in the day. No one's going to punish you for that." ????Talkback: Have you been on the receiving end of too many networking or reference requests? How do you deal with it? Leave a comment below. |
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