“未來裹攜著未知的所有危險向我們襲來。”——普魯塔克（羅馬帝國時代的希臘作家、哲學家、歷史學家）

每個人的人生都難免遇到困難和挫折。或遲或早，我們人人都會體驗到失敗的感覺。本杰明·富蘭克林曾經說過：“喝酒喝到杯底，就難免會喝到渣滓。”舊金山49人隊的教練比爾·沃什也曾說過：“你的成功之路幾乎總是要路過一個叫做‘失敗’的地方。”

所有偉大之人，無論男女，在達到其偉大成就之間，無不飽嘗艱辛。他們人人都曾犯過錯誤，但他們卻也從中獲益匪淺——哪怕這些錯誤和挫折只是讓他們意識到，自己并非是永遠正確的，事情也并非會永遠朝著青睞他們的方向發(fā)展。他們發(fā)現，對自我的認識，才是沖出泥沼的出路。如果不是靠著強烈的自我認知，他們就不可能越挫越勇，再次崛起。

對于我們來說，要想學習這些偉人的例子，在逆境中脫困而出，那么有一件事是我們必須要避免的——過分的自我意識。除非我們此刻就來深入審視一下自我，更好地了解自己的本性，否則過分的自我意識將把你帶入的唯一方向就是失敗——除非我們能夠立即就地從失敗中汲取教訓。

在身處逆境時，我們必須牢牢記住下面四個原則，從而使我們重新站起來，同時又不受自我意識的負面影響。而負面的自我情緒一旦被引發(fā)出來，只會將事情變得更糟。

“死時間”還是“活時間”？

暢銷書作家羅伯特·格林曾經指出，人生的時間可以分為兩種：一種是“死時間”，即處于被動和等待中的時間；另一種是“活時間”，即人們在積極學習、行動并且有效地利用了每一秒鐘的時間。我們每次遭遇失敗，每次到了我們沒有故意選擇卻也無法控制的時刻和情境，你都要做這樣一道選擇題：是把時間過成“死時間”還是“活時間”？

在遭遇失敗時，我們每個人的自我意識都會跳出來，抱怨當前的局面有多糟糕，抱怨事情是如此的不公平，抱怨我們當初還不如干另一件事好了。而這種態(tài)度將使我們把日子過成“死時間”，再也活轉不回來。因此，可以說自我意識是“活時間”的死敵。

憤怒、委屈、抑郁、心碎，都是再容易不過的事。你的自我意識可能會說：“我不想這樣，我想要某某某，我想讓事情朝著我希望的方向發(fā)展。”但這是成就不了任何事的！

所以，下一次我們發(fā)現自己處于困境時，我們要說：這對我是一次機會，我要利用它實現我的目標。我不會讓時間變成“死時間”。而“死時間”正是我們被自我所束縛的時候。

將時間過成“死時間”還是“活時間”，你選擇哪個？

關注你能控制的事

失敗和挫折當然會令人感到痛苦。那么，你打算怎樣承受？你怎樣重拾對你自己和對你的工作的自信？

知名棒球教練約翰·伍登曾給隊員們這樣一個建議；修改你對成功的定義。“成功是一種內心的平和，是當你知道自己已經盡了最大努力，成為了你能成為的最好的人之后的一種自我滿足。”

這就是了。你的努力和盡力付出才是你能控制的，也是你真正需要關注的。

所以，你只需盡力工作，將它做好，“盡人事而聽天命”，如此足矣。至于別人的認可與回報，那都是身外之物。如果這樣也被拒絕了，那是對方的問題，而不是我們的問題。

換句話說，我們對結果看得越淡越好。實現我們自己的標準的過程，就是令我們建立自信和自尊的過程。只要付出了努力便已足矣，結果無論好壞，都不足縈懷。而如果任由自我意識掌控了我們的心智，那么這些還遠遠不夠——它需要的是別人的批準和認可。

股神巴菲特也曾說過同樣的一番道理，他指出了人們的“內部成績單”和“外部成績單”之間是存在明顯差別的。要衡量你是否成功，就要用你自己的標準，要看你是否充分發(fā)揮了你的潛能，盡力做到了最好。光以勝敗論英雄是不夠的。有人可能因為一時走運而獲勝，也可能自身毫無可取之處，卻依然莫名其妙地勝了。人人都可以逞勝一時，卻并非人人都能做到最好的自己。

不要讓自我意識支配了你，也不要糾結于是否能得到別人的認可。把你的工作做好就已經足夠了。

不要讓事情惡化

是人就會犯錯。犯獵并沒什么大不了，尤其是作為一名企業(yè)家、一個創(chuàng)新型人才或是一名企業(yè)高管，絲毫不犯錯更是不可能的。我們都要承擔風險，自然就都有把事情搞砸的時候。問題是，如果我們將工作與自我聯(lián)系在了一起，我們就會擔心工作的失敗會影響我們做人的名聲。實際上，這是害怕承擔責任的一種表現，同時也承認了我們可能會把事情搞砸。

在遇到失敗時，你的自我意識可能會發(fā)問：這件事為什么會發(fā)生在我身上？我該如何挽回局面，向人們證明，我依然像他們想象的一樣優(yōu)秀？這其實是一種動物性的恐懼，生怕自己露出一點點虛弱的跡象。

亞歷山大·漢密爾頓曾給一位因為犯了錯而導致自己身陷嚴重的財務和法律問題的朋友寫信道：“做事要剛毅和自尊。如果你不能合情合理地從此事中解脫出來，也不要陷得更深。要有勇氣為整件事劃一個句號。”

什么叫為整件事劃一個句號？并不是說你就此什么都不管了。而是說，如果你是一名拳手，如果你在力戰(zhàn)不支時不及時拍地認輸，或者如果你意識不到自己已經到了激流永退的年紀，那么等待著你的將只有傷痛。所以你必須要能看到事情的大勢。接著撐下去，事情會不會變得更糟？抑或是你有能力扭轉敗局，使自己的尊嚴和聲譽絲毫無損？你還要繼續(xù)這樣再奮戰(zhàn)一天嗎？

永遠心存愛意

自我意識最糟糕的一個特點，就是容易將微小的挫敗變成極大的傷痛。而且這種傷痕還會感染和擴大，隨著憤恨與日俱增，最終會將我們埋葬。憤恨正是自我意識的外在呈現。

在失敗或逆境中，人很容易滋生憤恨。憤恨和自責是兩種不同的情緒，憤恨會使人將責任推到旁人身上。同時，憤恨也會令人分心：如果我們將精力放在報復別人上，或是去刨根問底地追究錯誤是怎樣發(fā)生的。這些有助于我們實現自己的事業(yè)目標嗎？不是的。它只是會令我們原地踏步，甚至徹底阻礙我們的發(fā)展。

當你受到了別人的攻擊和輕慢時，或是碰到了你不喜歡的東西時，你知道更好的回應方式是什么嗎？是愛。沒錯，就是愛。愛你那不愿意把音樂關小些的鄰居，愛你那可能令你失望的父母，愛你那把你的文件弄丟了的領導，愛那些拒絕了你的單位，愛那些抨擊你的人，愛那個盜用了你的生意靈感的前任合伙人，愛那個給你扣了綠帽子的小賤人。總而言之一個字：愛。

我們發(fā)現，偉大的領導者不僅不恨他們的敵人，反而會對他們感到憐憫和同情。比如馬丁·路德·金反復勸誡我們，仇恨是一種負擔，愛才是自由。愛能使人破繭重生，恨只會令人向隅而泣。馬丁·路德·金曾說：“仇恨是癌癥，會破壞掉你人生的重心和你的存在。它就像硫酸一樣，會腐蝕掉你人生中最好和最客觀的部分。”

總結

以上這些做法和標準，就是我們在逆境中應該采取的良方。我們要選擇將時間過成“活時間”，不讓一分一秒在喟嘆中白白流逝。我們要專注于自己能控制的事情，盡最大的努力，做最好的自己。我們要憑自尊和道義行事，在東山再起時，依舊保持自己的良好品質。

至于我們當下正在經歷的困難，它并非是我們自己選擇的境遇，但我們可以憑借自己的力量、瞄準自己的目標沖出困局，而不是憑借過度的自我意識。換句話說，我們不能讓自我意識將暫時的失敗變成永遠的失敗。這才是我們能做的選擇。

本文改編自由Ryan Holiday創(chuàng)作、Penguin Portfolio出版社出版的著作《人生的敵人是自我》（Ego is the Enemy）。（財富中文網）

譯者：樸成奎

“The future bears down upon each one of us with all the hazards of the unknown.” — Plutarch

There is no way around it: We will experience difficulty. We will feel the touch of failure. As Benjamin Franklin observed, those who “drink to the bottom of the cup must expect to meet with some of the dregs.” Or as the 49ers coach Bill Walsh says, “Almost always, your road to victory goes through a place called ‘failure.’”

All great men and women went through difficulties to get to where they are, all of them made mistakes. They found within those experiences some benefit — even if it was simply the realization that they were not infallible and that things would not always go their way. They found that self awareness was the way out and through — if they hadn’t, they wouldn’t have gotten better and they wouldn’t have been able to rise again.

For us to follow their example and push through failure we can be sure of one thing we’ll want to avoid. Ego. Unless we use this moment as an opportunity to understand ourselves and our own mind better, ego will seek out failure like true north. Unless we learn, right here and right now, from our mistakes.

During times of adversity, we need to keep in mind the four principles below to help us get back up on our feet and do so without ego, which when unleashed will only make things worse.

Alive time or dead time?

According to bestselling author Robert Greene, there are two types of time in our lives: dead time, when people are passive and waiting, and alive time, when people are learning and acting and utilizing every second. Every moment of failure, every moment or situation that we did not deliberately choose or control, presents this choice: Alive time. Dead time.

During times of failure the ego in all of us wants to complain about how the situation sucks. How it’s unfair. How we’d rather be doing just about anything else. And it’s this attitude that creates dead time we can never get back. In this way, ego is the mortal enemy of alive time.

It’s easy to be angry, to be aggrieved, to be depressed or heartbroken. Ego says: I don’t want this. I want ______. I want it my way. But this accomplishes nothing!

Let us say, the next time we find ourselves stuck: This is an opportunity for me. I am using it for my purposes. I will not let this be dead time for me. The dead time was when we were controlled by ego.

Alive time. Dead time. Which will it be?

Focus on what you can control.

Failure and rejection can be a miserable place. How do you carry on? How do you take pride in yourself and your work?

The famous coach John Wooden’s advice to his players gives the answer: Change the definition of success. “Success is peace of mind, which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you made the effort to do your best to become the best that you are capable of becoming.”

That’s it. Your effort, doing the best, is what you can control. This is what you need to focus on.

Do your work. Do it well. Then “l(fā)et go and let God.“ That’s all there needs to be. Recognition and rewards — those are just extra. Rejection, that’s on them, not on us.

In other words, the less attached we are to outcomes the better. When fulfilling our own standards is what fills us with pride and self-respect. When the effort — not the results, good or bad — is enough. With ego, this is not nearly sufficient — it wants recognition and validation.

Warren Buffett has said the same thing, making a distinction between the inner scorecard and the external one. Your potential, the absolute best you’re capable of — that’s the metric to measure yourself against. Your own standards. Winning is not enough. People can get lucky and win. People can be assholes and win. Anyone can win. But not everyone is the best possible version of themselves.

Don’t let ego hold sway and distract you with whether or not we are getting credit and validation. It’s far better when doing good work is sufficient.

Don’t make things worse.

People make mistakes all the time. This is all perfectly fine; it’s what being an entrepreneur or a creative or even a business executive is about. We take risks. We mess up. The problem is that when we get our identity tied up in our work, we worry that any kind of failure will then say something bad about us as a person. It’s a fear of taking responsibility, of admitting that we might have messed up.

Ego asks: Why is this happening to me? How do I save this and prove to everyone I’m as great as they think?It’s the animal fear of even the slightest sign of weakness.

“Act with fortitude and honor,” Alexander Hamilton once wrote to a distraught friend in serious financial and legal trouble of the man’s own making. “If you cannot reasonably hope for a favorable extrication, do not plunge deeper. Have the courage to make a full stop.”

A full stop. It’s not that you should quit everything. It’s that a fighter who can’t tap out or a boxer who can’t recognize when it’s time to retire gets hurt. Seriously so. You have to be able to see the bigger picture. Are you going to make it worse? Or are you going to emerge from this with your dignity and character intact? Are you going to live to fight another day?

Always love.

One of ego’s worst traits is the tendency to turn a minor inconvenience or insult into a massive sore. The wound festers, becomes infected, and can borderline kill us with the hatred and anger bubbling up. Hatred is ego embodied.

In failure or adversity, it’s so easy to hate. Hate defers blame. It makes someone else responsible. It’s a distraction too; we don’t do much else when we’re busy getting revenge or investigating the wrongs that have supposedly been done to us. Does this get us any closer to where we want to be? No. It just keeps us where we are — or worse, arrests our development entirely.

You know what is a better response to an attack or a slight or something you don’t like? Love. That’s right, love. For the neighbor who won’t turn down the music. For the parent that let you down. For the bureaucrat who lost your paperwork. For the group that rejects you. For the critic who attacks you. The former partner who stole your business idea. The bitch or the bastard who cheated on you. Love.

We find that what defines great leaders is that instead of hating their enemies, they feel a sort of pity and empathy for them. Think of Martin Luther King Jr., over and over again, preaching that hate was a burden and love was freedom. Love was transformational, hate was debilitating. “Hate,” he said “is a cancer that gnaws away at the very vital center of your life and your existence. It is like eroding acid that eats away the best and the objective center of your life.”

Bottom line.

These are the behaviors and standards we need to embrace and commit to to be able to handle adversity. We will choose alive time and not let any moment go to waste. We will focus only on what we can control: exerting maximum effort at being our best selves. We will act with dignity and decorum and emerge with our character intact.

The difficulty that we are experiencing now? It is not a position we chose for ourselves, but we can push through with strength and purpose, not ego. In other words, we will not let ego turn a temporary failure into a permanent one. That’s a choice we can make.

This piece is adapted from Ryan Holiday’s book Ego is the Enemy, published by Penguin Portfolio.