????親愛的安妮：我剛剛結束在這家公司的第三次年終績效評估，這是我大學畢業之后的第一份“正式工作”。與過去兩年一樣，連我本人都對自己的反應感到震驚。我知道不能認為這種批評是專門針對我的，或者產生抵觸心理，但有時候，當老板告訴我需要在哪些方面有所改善的時候，我會變得意氣用事，有點驚慌失措。

????今年的情況更糟糕，雖然評估結果有85%是正面的。老板說我有一個方面可以變得更好，但他還沒有說完，我就開始為自己辯解。我應該如何讓自己不再因為批評意見而感到不安。您有什么建議嗎？去年整個節日期間，我便因為這種事情而十分煩惱。今年，我不想再經歷這樣的痛苦。——T.T.S.

????親愛的T.T.S.：相信我，許多人在績效評估結束之后，都會產生法語所稱的“樓梯智慧”(l’esprit de l’escalier)，也就是說，當你想到本應該說什么，或者本不該說什么的時候，卻為時已晚。有此經歷的人絕不止你一個。

????真的為時已晚了嗎？

????如果你確實想要另外一次機會，讓老板說完他想說的話，并以不同的方式進行回應，為什么不請求重來一次呢？

????高管培訓機構布萊特公司（Bright Enterprises）負責人黛比?布萊特強調稱：“你甚至可以在一開始便解釋清楚，這一次，你會耐心傾聽，不說話。”布萊特公司的客戶包括迪士尼（Disney）、通用電氣（GE）、摩根士丹利（Morgan Stanley）和萬豪國際集團（Marriott）等。此外，布萊特用七年時間研究了人們如何應對反饋，尤其是在面臨壓力的情況下應對反饋的方式，并以此為依據寫了一本書——《真話不一定傷人：如何用批評增強關系、提高績效和推動改變》（The Truth Doesn’t Have to Hurt: How to Use Criticism to Strengthen Relationships, Improve Performance, and Promote Change）。她說道，請求進行另外一次會面，“可以向你的老板表明，你愿意接受他想要告訴你的建議。”

????這很重要，因為在布萊克看來，任何人在接受評估的時候，首先要讓提供評估的人感到舒適。聽起來很意外嗎？布萊特說道：“仔細想想，大多數管理者都討厭提供績效評估，因為他們也很擔心其他人會如何回應負面評價。所以，他們傾向于快速完成討論，趕緊走人。”

????當然，問題在于老板急于想結束績效評估，便可能會略過一些事關你職業成敗的信息。布萊特說道：“你在績效評估中能夠學到的東西，可能對你很有必要，不僅對現在，對你的未來或許同樣重要。”布萊特在咨詢工作當中，經常被邀請為一些才華橫溢的管理者提供咨詢，這些管理者的職業發展遇到了障礙，而原因則是一連串老板們曾經無數次警告過，但他們卻一直沒有改正的缺點和壞習慣。

????那么，在傾聽的時候如何控制自己的情緒？專心思考如何讓老板感到放松，是個不錯的開始，因為你可以自動轉移對情緒的關注。然后，布萊特建議：“提醒自己，你是場面的掌控者。你如何應對，將決定討論如何進行，以及你能從討論中獲得多大的收獲。”如果你能認識到，即便自己不發一言，你也并非在扮演被動的角色，那么，你所提到的那種恐慌感便會減少甚至消失。

????接下來，將注意力集中于自己需要采取的（或停止采取的）措施上。布萊特建議：“要確定自己清楚事實和意見之間的區別。‘你在某某項目上超出了預算30,000美元’是事實。‘你與同事的溝通不太理想’則是意見。”由于大多數老板幾乎沒有接受過如何提供有效反饋的培訓，因此這兩類反饋可能會被混為一談，但意見往往是模糊不清的，因此通常易于分辨。

????布萊特說道：“試圖猜測老板想要什么是不可能成功的。人們最后往往都會猜錯，而在下一次績效評估的時候，他們又會得到另外一個模糊不清的批評意見，久而久之，他們會認為自己永遠也無法讓老板高興。”

????相反，員工可以詢問能夠解決問題的具體措施。布萊特說道：“例如，你可以建議從‘與同事更好的溝通’開始，比如通過每周面對面的交流，而不是偶然的電子郵件。”要像解決工作中的其他任務一樣解決自己的問題，提出一兩條實際的解決方案，這樣可以幫助你控制大部分情緒。

????既然你提到這是你在大學畢業后的第一份“正式工作”，你肯定還要繼續在職場打拼四五十年時間。所以，有遠見對你將很有幫助。布萊特說道：“人們之所以對不甚滿意的績效評估感到生氣，是因為他們認為這會影響他們的整個職業生涯。但實際上這只不過是對一年表現的一次績效評估而已，公司的目標和戰略每年都會變化。我從未見過在10次或20次‘超出預期’的評估結果中有一兩次‘達到預期’的評價，產生過任何長遠的影響。”

????此外，即便是總裁、權威和CEO們，在日常工作中有時也會收到批評意見。布萊特認為：“一個人的職業生涯當中不可能只聽到好的反饋。事實上，如果你從未聽到過任何建設性的批評意見，這或許意味著你沒有學到任何東西。”（財富中文網）

????譯者：劉進龍/汪皓

????Dear Annie:I just came from my third year-end performance evaluation with this company, where I’m in my first “real job” since college. And once again, just like in the past two years, I’m appalled at the way I reacted. I know you’re not supposed to take criticism personally or get defensive, but somehow, when my boss starts telling me about areas I could develop or improve, my emotions take over and I sort of panic.

????This year was the worst so far, even though the evaluation was about 85% positive. My boss brought up one thing he thinks I could get better at, and I started defending myself before he even finished talking. Can you suggest any ways to stop letting criticism upset me so much? Last year I spent the holidays stewing over this, and I don’t want to do that again. —Too Thin-Skinned

????Dear T.T.S.:Believe me, you’re far from the only one who’s ever left a performance appraisal with a bad case of what the French calll’esprit de l’escalier— that is, thinking of what you should have said (or not said) when it’s obviously too late.

????Or is it?

????If you really want another chance to let your boss finish what he meant to say, and to respond in a different way this time, why not ask for a do-over?

????“You could even explain at the outset that, this time, you intend to listen and not speak,” notes Deb Bright, head of executive coaching firm Bright Enterprises, which counts Disney, GE, Morgan Stanley, and Marriott among its clients. Bright also wrote a book,The Truth Doesn’t Have to Hurt: How to Use Criticism to Strengthen Relationships, ImprovePerformance,and Promote Change, based on a seven-year study of how people respond to feedback, especially when they’re under stress. Asking for another meeting, she says, “would show him that you want to be receptive to what he wants to tell you.”

????That’s important because, in Bright’s view, the first job of anyone on the receiving end of an evaluation is to make the person who is giving it feel comfortable. Surprised? “Think about it,” says Bright. “Most managers hate giving performance appraisals, because they dread how someone is going to react to anything negative. So they tend to rush through the discussion just to get it over with.”

????The trouble, of course, is that the boss may be in such a hurry that he or she skips over information that could make or break your career. “What you can learn in a performance appraisal are things you may need, not just right now, but later on,” notes Bright. In her consulting work, she has often been called in to counsel talented managers whose careers had hit a brick wall because of shortcomings and bad habits that a string of bosses had tried to warn them about for years.

????So how do you get a grip on your emotions while you’re listening? Focusing on making your boss feel at ease is a good start, since it automatically shifts your attention away from your emotions. Then, says Bright, “Remind yourself that you are the one in control here. How you respond will determine how the discussion goes, and how much or little you get out of it.” The sense of panic you mention could be diminished, or dispelled, if you recognize that even if you’re not saying a word, your role here isn’t a passive one.

????Next, concentrate on finding out what specific actions you need to take (or stop taking). “Make sure you know the difference between a fact and an opinion,” Bright suggests. “’You were $30,000 over budget on the XYZ project’ is a fact. ‘You don’t communicate well enough with your peers’ is an opinion.” Since most bosses have had little, if any, training in giving effective feedback, the two types of feedback may very well be tangled up together, but you can usually tell an opinion by how vague it is.

????“Trying to guess what your boss wants won’t work,” says Bright. “People end up guessing wrong, and then they get another vague, critical opinion in their next review, and conclude that they can never please this boss.”

????Instead, ask for particular steps that would solve the perceived problem. “For example, you might suggest starting to ‘communicate better with your peers’ by updating them in person every week instead of through an occasional email,” says Bright. Approaching this like any other task you do at work, by coming up with a practical fix or two, should help take most of the emotion out of it.

????Since you mention that this is your first “real job” after college, you probably have four or five decades of work ahead of you. So it might help to keep a sense of perspective. “People often get upset about a so-so performance review because they think it will damage their whole career,” says Bright. “But it’s just one review, in one year, and companies’ goals and strategies change from one year to the next anyway. I’ve never seen a situation where one or two ‘meets expectations’ evaluations — out of, say, 10 or 20 ‘exceeds expectations’ — made any real difference in the long run.”

????Moreover, even presidents, popes, and CEOs get harpooned, sometimes on a daily basis. “No one goes through a whole career hearing only great feedback,” Bright observes. “In fact, if you haven’t heard any constructive criticism lately, it means you probably aren’t learning anything.”