????有句眾所周知的諺語：有了好籬笆，才有好鄰居。這句話的根本意思是要設定牢固的界線。設定好界限后，令人分心的瑣事和意想不到的干擾就會少很多，我們就可以自由地從事符合自身最佳利益的事情。這在數字時代尤為重要，因為在數字時代，有太多人在爭搶我們的注意力，我們不得不面對各種各樣的干擾。

????不管是對于個人生活，還是對職業發展而言，修建“好籬笆”，或者設定界線，都是最重要的技能之一。而“好籬笆”最重要的意義之一就是，能對我們不喜歡，或對我們個人或職業發展沒有益處的人、活動和約定勇敢拒絕的能力。你拒絕對自己沒有幫助的事情，實際上就是在贊成對你有幫助的事情。拒絕，也是給對你有益的事情開辟必要的空間。

????對于大多數人而言，拒絕非常困難。我們似乎對所有事情都在說“是”。在我看來，我們，尤其是女性，之所以認為拒絕非常困難，原因之一是我們希望被別人喜歡。我們希望被看成是善于團隊合作的人。我們想融入團隊。我們不想因為拒絕某個人或某件事而傷害對方的感情。我們之所以對太多事情說“是”，或許是出于愧疚，抑或是為了證明自己無所不能。

????不論這背后有怎樣的心理因素，也不論有怎樣的理由，對太多的事情說“是”，會令你疲于應付，甚至產生適得其反的效果。對太多事情說“是”，可能意味著我們要對一些非常重要的事情說“不”。如果我們的時間安排得太滿，哪里還有空間去容納意想不到或夢寐以求的機會？如果我們的“籬笆”不夠牢固，就會有各種不速之客闖進來。

????我們要修建“好籬笆”，要下定決心只對自己喜歡的、有利于職業發展或不會令我們分心的事情說“是”。

????以下七條建議將幫助你學會說“不”：

????執行24小時的暫停期。在接受任何工作或個人邀請之前，給自己24個小時。你不需要馬上回復。考慮一下你能從邀請中得到什么，它是否值得你拿出寶貴的時間，是否是你真正想要做的事情。還要考慮一下自己已經接受了哪些任務？你是否不得不放棄某些事情？

????例如，收到邀請時，你可以這樣說：“感謝您的邀請。但我要查看一下日程安排，并且考慮一下。我會在明天給您回復。”如果這確實是你想做的事情但你卻無法參加，一定要表達出這樣的意思：“非常感謝您的邀請。我現在無法參加，但我希望未來能夠有機會。希望未來有活動或項目的時候，您還能想到我。”

????要得體且果斷地拒絕。我們知道如何說“是”，卻不知道如何說“不”，尤其是面對我們確實不想做的事情時，我們通常會編造一個又一個借口。如果你考慮過對方的邀請，并且答案是否定的，一定要得體且果斷地拒絕。用下面的方式，將使你不必再為找借口而糾結，也不必受愧疚感的折磨：

????Everyone knows the adage: good fences make good neighbors. Basically, it means to set firm boundaries. By setting boundaries, we find the freedom to behave in our best interest, with fewer distractions and fewer unwanted intrusions. This is even more important in our digital age, where there are so many people vying for our attention and so many ways to be distracted.

????Building good fences—setting boundaries—is one of the most important skills to master for both personal and professional growth. And one of the most important aspects of a good fence is the ability to say no to the people, activities and engagements that we do not enjoy or that do not advance us personally or professionally. When you say no to the things that don’t help you, you are, in effect, saying yes to the things that will. By saying no, you open up the space necessary for yes.

????For most of us, saying no is exceedingly difficult. We seem to say yes to everything. I think one of the reasons we find it so hard to say no, especially as women, is that we want to be liked. We want to be seen as team players. We want to be included. We don’t want to hurt feelings by closing our door or, God forbid, saying no to someone or something. We say yes to too many things maybe out of guilt or maybe to prove that we can do it all.

????Whatever the psychological back story, whatever the reason, the fact remains that saying yes to too many things is overwhelming and counterproductive. By saying yes to too many things, we may be saying no to some very important things. If our plate is too full, there’s no room for the unexpected or ideal opportunity. If our fences aren’t strong, everything gets in.

????We have to build good fences and resolve to say yes only to the things we enjoy, that advance our careers, or that don’t distract us from our goals.

????Here are seven tips to help you say no:

????Implement a 24-hour pause period.Give yourself 24 hours before accepting any invitations, professional or personal. You don’t have to give an answer right away! Think about what you will get out of it, if it’s worth your precious time, and if it’s something you really want to do. Also consider what is already on your plate? Will you have to give something up?

????For example, when you have received an invitation, simply say: “Thank you for the invitation. Let me check my schedule and think about it, and I’ll get back to you tomorrow.” If it is something you really want to do but simply can’t, be sure to convey that: “Thank you so much for the invitation. I can’t do that right now, but I would love to serve in the future, and I hope you will keep me in mind for future events/projects.”

????Say no with grace and authority.We know how to say yes, but we don’t know how to say no, and we often go down a rabbit hole of excuses, especially if it’s something we don’t want to do. If you’ve thought about the invitation and the answer is no, decline gracefully but authoritatively. Here’s how to do it without twisting yourself in a knot of excuses and guilt: