????蘇格拉底與柏拉圖。拉爾夫?瓦爾多?愛默生與亨利?大衛?梭羅。馬婭?安杰盧與奧普拉?溫弗瑞。雷?查爾斯與昆西?瓊斯。鮑勃?諾伊斯與史蒂夫?喬布斯。

????如果有一位明智的導師，誰都會從中獲益。合適的導師會給你的職業帶來巨大的不同。比如，據《導師的指導：培養有效的學習關系》（The Mentor's Guide: Facilitating Effective Learning Relationships）一書的作者洛伊斯?查克瑞統計，約96%的高管認為，導師關系是一種重要的發展工具。

????查克瑞說：“導師制度有許多好處。導師可以幫你進入其他圈子，讓你去接觸之前沒有機會接觸的不同想法和不同的人?！?/p>

????如果你想尋找自己的“宮城大師”，希望發展完美的導師關系，應該避免以下五種常見的錯誤。

????1. 找一位跟你氣味相投的導師

????找一位與自己有類似背景的導師或許感覺很舒服。但這并不是正確的成長之路。相反，應該找一位有不同經歷和觀點的導師，因為他們可以幫你找出自己的盲區。

????培訓公司Next Step Partners高管培訓師邁克爾?梅爾徹說：“許多女性的導師是男性。而許多有色人種的導師是白人，因為你必須找有能力和經驗的人。而且許多人會選擇年長的白人男性。不要以為只有與你類似的人才能做你的導師。這種想法太過狹隘，而且， 這類人通常都供不應求。”

????科技公司高管莎倫?米爾斯曾擔任高盛公司（Goldman Sachs）副總裁，并著有《兩性相處之道》（Getting to 50/50）一書。當時，女性們發現所有男性副總裁都去和高層領導打籃球。于是，她們要求公司合伙人制定一個計劃，為女性匹配男性導師。參與這項計劃的許多女性后來都當上了公司的常務董事。

????米爾斯回憶道：“真是太令人驚訝了。參與計劃的男性都是真正關心女性進步的合伙人。而參與計劃的女性也都有巨大的潛力。這樣一來，你根本就不用考慮績效問題?！?/p>

????同樣，導師不應該全部都是之前的上司。要選擇曾接觸過不同業務領域，甚至來自不同公司或不同行業的人，擔任自己的導師。

????2. 籠統地求助。

????在尋找導師方面一個常見的錯誤是，邀請高管一起吃午餐，結果只是漫無目的地閑聊，根本不知道自己需要什么樣的幫助。目標越具體、越有針對性，效果才會更好。

????一開始，你可能并不知道自己需要發展或者開發哪些方面，但這些問題可以在過程之中得以解決。一旦確定了自己的弱點所在，選擇可以在具體領域提供幫助的導師，比如管理、溝通或展示等。

????得到具體的建議之后，應該繼續跟進，與導師分享自己的成果。人們樂意知道自己的建議有所幫助。如果你最終沒有聽從導師的建議，也要坦誠地告訴對方。

????米爾斯說：“導師不見得總能給出好的建議。如果你認為他們的建議不合適，應該告訴他們原因。答案不能是：‘我從沒試過?！?/p>

????3. 浪費時間

????如果你請求別人提供建議，便應該尊重并且充分利用對方的寶貴時間。這意味著，每次與導師一起吃午飯或喝咖啡時，在腦子里要有一個清晰的議程，交流要有效率，而且要有后續跟進。 “徒弟”在導師關系中要扮演積極主動的角色。

????IT解決方案公司ASAP負責人羅茲?奧爾福德說：“時間是最大的問題，也是很大的投入。雙方都必須負起責任?！?/p>

????你應該為會面制定議程，期間要持續跟進，要明確雙方的關系。“在一系列對話中，你要有自己的目標，而且目標要具體、有針對性，”扎卡里說。“真正要討論的問題是自己怎樣才能得到發展和成長?！?/p>

????導師不可能給出所有問題的答案，但卻可以指導你自己找出答案。換言之，不是每個季度跟某個人吃一次午飯，就可以說她是你的導師。

????

????Socrates and Plato. Ralph Waldo Emerson and Henry David Thoreau. Maya Angelou and Oprah Winfrey. Ray Charles and Quincy Jones. Bob Noyce and Steve Jobs.

????Who wouldn't benefit from a wise mentor? The right one can make a huge difference in your career. You know this: Some 96% of executives view mentoring as an important development tool, according to Lois Zachary, author of The Mentor's Guide: Facilitating Effective Learning Relationships.

????"There are lots of benefits to mentoring," says Zachary. "A mentor can help connect you to other networks and can expose you to different ideas, different people that you otherwise would never have that opportunity for."

????In your quest to find your own Mr. Miyagi and develop the perfect mentoring relationship, avoid these five common mistakes.

????1. Having a mentor just like you

????It may be comfortable to develop a relationship with a mentor with a background similar to yours. That's not the way to grow. Instead, seek out a mentor with a different experience and perspective, one who can help you identify blind spots.

????"A lot of mentors of women will be men. A lot of mentors of people of color will be white people because you have to look at who has the power and experience. It's still going to be a lot of older white men," says Michael Melcher, an executive coach with the firm Next Step Partners. "Don't think the only person who should mentor you is somebody who looks exactly like you. It's too limiting and often those people are way oversubscribed."

????When technology executive Sharon Meers, co-author of Getting to 50/50, was a vice president at Goldman Sachs, the women's network discovered that all the male vice presidents were playing basketball with the senior leaders. They asked the partners to create a program that would match women with senior men as mentors. A number of women who participated advanced to become managing directors.

????"It was amazing," Meers recalls. "The guys who participated were partners who really cared about advancing women. The women who participated were high potential. You weren't dealing with performance problems."

????Similarly, your mentors shouldn't all be former supervisors. Pick people who have exposure to a different business area or even those in a different company or sector of your industry.

????2. Asking for general help

????A classic mistake in seeking a mentor is to ask a senior executive to lunch and spend the time aimlessly talking, without knowing what kind of help you need. The more specific and targeted your goal, the better.

????At first, you may not know where you need to grow or develop, but that can be part of the process. Once you identify areas of weakness, pick mentors who can help you in a specific area, perhaps management, communication, or presentations.

????When you do get that specific advice, follow up with your mentor to share the outcome. People like to know that their advice helped. If you end up departing from your mentor's advice, be honest about that too.

????"The mentor's advice is not always going to be good, but if it's not they need to understand why, " Meers says. "The answer can't be, 'I never tried.' "

????3. Wasting time

????When you ask someone to give you advice, you owe the courtesy of respecting their time and making the most of it. That means coming to each lunch or coffee meeting with a clear agenda in mind, being efficient in your conversation and following up afterward. Play an active role in the relationship.

????"The time is the biggest issue and the commitment. It is a big commitment," says Roz Alford, principal of ASAP, an IT solutions company. "There has to be accountability on both sides."

????You should set the agenda for meetings, follow up in between, and define the relationship. "You take your goals in a series of conversations and make them very specific and targeted," Zachary says. "What you're really talking about is how you're going to develop and grow."

????Your mentor doesn't have all the answers but can help guide you to find them yourself. In other words, don't just have lunch with someone once a quarter and call her your mentor.????