????我的一位朋友最近和我談起了她的一位男同事，這位男同事比她晚一個月入職。“他打算在明天績效考核時提出加薪10,000美元的要求，”她抱怨道。“我真不能相信他會這么做。我想不到他到這里剛7個月就要求加薪。”

????上周二是同酬日（Equal Pay Day），這凸顯了一個事實，2013年女性仍需付出更大的努力才能賺到2012年男性同事同樣的薪酬。有關薪酬不平等的討論都著重于政策和體制歧視，這很重要。但我感興趣的是在哪些因素上我們個人能夠有所作為。在Y世代（Gen-Y）女性網絡社區Levo League上，我聽過無數像我朋友這樣的故事。我意識到：你不一定能得到你應該得到的，你得到的都是你所要求的。

????新入職場的女性賺的錢是男性同事的約90%，而且這個差距隨著年齡增長還會進一步擴大。我知道，我的男性朋友與公司協商起薪的可能性比我高四倍，但我畢業后到麥肯錫（McKinsey）任分析師時并沒有要求提高起薪。

????像我這樣未要求提高起薪的人并不少見。在對Levo League社區進行調查時，我們發現，約75%的人在入職當前的職位時都沒有要求公司提高起薪。不要求的結果，可不那么美妙：等到60歲時，這個損失將高達50萬美元。

為什么Y世代女性不要求更高的薪酬

????這些女性有無數的借口：“說實話，經過實習期和一段時間的海投簡歷之后，能得到這份工作已讓我倍感幸運，我當時覺得這是一個足夠公平的起薪。”或者：“這家公司能招到我，真是他們的運氣？我可沒這么想過，我想的是能呆在這家公司很幸運。”

????我很少從我的男性朋友那里聽到這樣的回答。“我每3個月都會要求加薪，從沒失敗過，”其中有一位這樣告訴過我。“公司應當知道我帶來了多少價值，我希望獲得應有的報酬。”

????女性為何克制自己不提漲工資？一個原因是她們感覺可能需要獲得準許。另一個原因則是擔心可能有違社會觀念。一項“女性為什么不愛協商薪酬？”（Do Women Avoid Salary Negotiations?）的研究稱，如果一條招聘信息注明“薪酬面議”，女性更可能進行薪酬協商，因為她們認為，這是預期當中應當做的事情。

????謝莉爾?桑德伯格的新書《向前一步》（Lean In)強調了損害女性職業的那些社會觀念。隨著女性職位的升遷，她變得更有權力，不再那么受人喜愛——而他們的男性朋友會變得更受人喜愛。變得霸道和頤使氣指并不一定就等于女性成功。但是，殘酷的現實是，如果女性想獲得同工同酬，就不能囿于社會觀念，不主動要求加薪。

????A friend recently told me about a male colleague; he joined her company one month after she arrived. "He's asking for a $10,000 dollar raise tomorrow at our performance review," she griped. "I can't believe he's doing that. I just can't imagine asking for a raise after only being here for seven months."

????Today is Equal Pay Day, which marks how far into 2013 a woman must work to earn the same pay that her male counterpart earned in 2012. Much of the discussion about pay inequity is focused on policy and institutional discrimination, which is important -- but I'm interested in what factors we as individuals might be able to do about it. After hearing countless stories, like my friend's, from women in the Levo League community, a network for ambitious Gen-Y women, I realize: You don't get what you deserve; you get what you ask for.

????Women make around 90 percent of what their male counterparts make when they first join the workforce, but the gap grows dramatically as they age. I knew my male friends were four times more likely to negotiate their starting salaries than I was, but I still didn't ask for more when I began as an analyst at McKinsey after graduation.

????I'm not the only one who isn't asking. When we surveyed the Levo League community, we found that approximately 75% did not negotiate starting salaries at their current roles. The result of not asking isn't pretty: Women lose out on half a million dollars by the time they are 60.

Why Gen Y Women Aren't Asking for More

????There are countless excuses from women who didn't ask for more money: "Honestly, I felt so fortunate to be given a job after my internship and after sending countless resumes, I thought it was a fair enough starting salary." Or: "Instead of thinking a company is lucky to have me, I'm thinking I'm lucky to be at this company."

????I rarely hear such responses from my male friends. "I ask for a raise every three months without fail," one told me. "The company should know how much more value I bring and that I expect to be compensated for it."

????Why do women keep themselves from asking for a raise? One reason is a need for permission. Another is a fear of going against societal norms. The study "Do Women Avoid Salary Negotiations?" found that when a job description says "salary negotiable," women are more likely to negotiate their salary because they think it is expected that they should.

????Sheryl Sandberg's book Lean In highlights the societal perceptions that hurt women's careers. As women rise through the ranks and become more powerful, they're less liked -- while their male friends become better liked. Being bossy doesn't always equate with female success.