????身為離婚律師，是不是每個(gè)人都給你打電話咨詢他們的婚姻危機(jī)？身為會(huì)計(jì)師，你是不是發(fā)現(xiàn)晚餐的談話不可避免地轉(zhuǎn)向你朋友的新款iPad平板電腦或百慕大之旅可以免稅的話題？又或許，你是位技術(shù)專家，你的朋友和父母的朋友會(huì)反復(fù)打電話，詢問(wèn)如何上傳照片到云盤(pán)或者分享在線視頻？

????成為你所在領(lǐng)域的專家感覺(jué)不錯(cuò)，別人征求你的意見(jiàn)或建議也讓你頗為得意，不過(guò)有時(shí)候人們?cè)竭^(guò)了個(gè)人交往和工作與生活平衡的界限。不能因?yàn)閱碳{斯?索爾克免費(fèi)提供脊髓灰質(zhì)炎疫苗，克雷格?紐馬克拒絕對(duì)Craigslist網(wǎng)站收費(fèi)，你也必須當(dāng)個(gè)慈善家。你也許大公無(wú)私，但是不必全天候?yàn)榕笥鸦蚣胰颂峁o(wú)窮無(wú)盡的建議。你應(yīng)該在你力所能及的時(shí)候提供幫助，但是你有權(quán)為你日常提供的無(wú)償建議加上有益的限制。

????當(dāng)你發(fā)現(xiàn)自己的處境超越極限的時(shí)候，那么你要在愿意致力于解決朋友的問(wèn)題方面，限定“免費(fèi)”的時(shí)間或精力范圍，然后在時(shí)間允許的情況下慷慨地幫助對(duì)方。接下來(lái)告訴你的朋友或家人，他們?cè)谧畛醯拿赓M(fèi)范圍以外，還可以選擇哪些方式繼續(xù)獲得你的幫助。

????朋友總是相互幫助。如果有個(gè)非常親密的人向你咨詢某個(gè)問(wèn)題或事項(xiàng)，你要盡量慷慨大方，免費(fèi)分享你的才華和專業(yè)知識(shí)。比如，你愿意用一個(gè)小時(shí)處理某人的電子郵件，用30分鐘查看一份簡(jiǎn)歷，花一個(gè)下午的時(shí)間集體討論經(jīng)營(yíng)理念，這些做法都在提供友好建議以及為家庭做出奉獻(xiàn)與回報(bào)的范圍內(nèi)。用一個(gè)星期的時(shí)間建立一家網(wǎng)站，無(wú)休止地解答疑難的高科技問(wèn)題，或者起草、撰寫(xiě)和審核一份法學(xué)院申請(qǐng)信，這些做法就越過(guò)了界限。

????想想你要付出多少時(shí)間和精力，既適合你的日程安排，又不用做出過(guò)分的個(gè)人犧牲，確定向他人提供真正價(jià)值所需要的時(shí)間。作為一名職業(yè)咨詢專家，我很高興抽出一個(gè)小時(shí)的時(shí)間準(zhǔn)備朋友的業(yè)績(jī)?cè)u(píng)估，撰寫(xiě)要求加薪的腹稿，詳細(xì)討論與老板的溝通不暢問(wèn)題。但是，我不會(huì)定期指導(dǎo)你，也不會(huì)免費(fèi)和你的員工交流。

????久住難為人。客人待得太久，難免遭人厭煩。人們認(rèn)為你會(huì)無(wú)限期地繼續(xù)扮演顧問(wèn)、咨詢師、治療師、問(wèn)題解決達(dá)人或生活教練的角色，最終將給你帶來(lái)過(guò)于沉重的負(fù)擔(dān)。分享你最初的想法、無(wú)償提供一些有益的建議之后，改變這種狀態(tài)是完全合情合理。

????如果你提供的建議直接關(guān)系到你的專業(yè)或者你的副業(yè)，那就坦白直言，承認(rèn)你需要達(dá)成一項(xiàng)協(xié)議，確保你付出的時(shí)間和精力能夠獲得報(bào)酬。如果這些建議只是涉及你的天賦或愛(ài)好，但是并不是你的謀生之道，你也仍然有權(quán)得到補(bǔ)償。

????一旦向人明確，你不能毫無(wú)限制地免費(fèi)提供意見(jiàn)，你就可以減輕對(duì)別人的傷害。你可以表態(tài)，愿意繼續(xù)以更輕松自在的方式提供免費(fèi)意見(jiàn)，擔(dān)任后備顧問(wèn)的角色。一方面，這樣做顯示了你的慷慨大度，真心誠(chéng)意地愿意幫助別人，另一方面也維護(hù)了你的職業(yè)操守。如果朋友們從來(lái)沒(méi)有想過(guò)向你付錢(qián)的話，這種方式還讓你的朋友保全了面子。

????Are you the divorce attorney everyone calls with their marital woes? The accountant who finds that the dinner conversation inevitably turns to whether or not your friend's new iPad or trip to Bermuda is tax-deductible? Maybe you're the techie whose friends and parents' friends call repeatedly with questions about uploading photos to the cloud or sharing videos online.

????It's great to be an expert in your field, and it's flattering to be asked for your opinion or advice, but sometimes people cross the limits of personal and work-life boundaries. Just because Jonas Salk gave away the polio vaccine for free and Craig Newmark refuses to charge for Craigslist, you don't have to be a philanthropist too. As altruistic as you may be, you don't have to provide unlimited counsel to friends and family around the clock. You should be helpful when you can, but you are entitled to put meaningful limits on the pro bono advice you dish out regularly.

????When you find yourself in situations that push the envelope, determine the amount of "free" time/energy you're willing to dedicate to a friend's issue and then give of yourself graciously within that time allotment. Next, give your friend or family member options of how you might continue to be helpful after their initial free pass.

????Friends help friends. When someone near and dear to you comes with a question, issue, or problem, be generous and share your talents or expertise freely. Agreeing to spend an hour setting up someone's email, 30 minutes reviewing a resume, or an afternoon brainstorming business ideas is well within the bounds of friendly advice and familial give and take. Spending a week setting up a website, troubleshooting tech issues endlessly, or drafting, writing, and reviewing an application to law school is crossing the line.

????Think about the amount of time or energy that fits into your schedule without undue personal sacrifice and the amount of time necessary to provide real value to the other person. As a career expert, I'm happy to give an hour of my time to prepare for a friend's performance review, script out asking for a raise or talk through a difficult conversation with the boss. I won't, however, coach you regularly or talk to your employees for free.

????Just as a houseguest eventually overstays his welcome, so too do people overburden you by assuming you'll continue your role as adviser, counselor, therapist, problem solver, or life coach, indefinitely. After sharing your initial thoughts or giving some meaningful advice for free, it's entirely acceptable to change the dynamic.

????If the advice you're providing is directly related to your profession or your side hustle, then be upfront and acknowledge you'll need to put together an agreement to make sure you're compensated for your time and energy going forward. If the advice relates simply to a natural talent or hobby but not how you earn your keep, you're still entitled to be compensated.

????Once you've established your inability to provide bottomless advice for free, you can then soften the blow. State that you're willing to stay involved on a more casual level for free and serve as a background adviser. This shows you to be generous and genuine in wanting to help while at the same time protecting your professional integrity. It also gives your friend a way to save face if they never had any intention of paying you in the first place.