我花了幾周時間來準備申請，經過了兩輪面試，在幾個月的期待以后，收到了某個著名的商業團體的2016級班的錄取通知書。我是幾百甚至幾千名申請者中入圍的12人之一。但是最后，我拒絕了。

甚至在寫這篇文章的時候，我還有一絲后悔。我的意思是，我怎么能拒絕在簡歷里添上如此光鮮一筆的機會？而且還是在付出了那么多努力終于成功的情況下？我將會得到怎樣的人際關系網絡？賺到多少錢？

本質上，我的決定可以歸結為一系列更重要的問題：我這樣做是因為我真的想要嗎，還是因為它看起來不錯？我這樣做是因為我很害怕，不敢拒絕嗎？

我經常用以下的快捷綱要來找到答案。它們不僅讓我有信心拒絕這次邀請，還有助于幫我做出許多重大的人生決策。

1. 試著冥想

對我來說，這意味著在印度農村10天密集而安靜的冥想。不過你沒必要跑到世界的另一邊來獲得同樣的效果，只需要空出一塊安靜的冥想地，在那里傾聽自己的心聲。當你的心靈不再恐慌或淹沒在其他人的想法之中，會告訴你什么呢？

暫時讓自己遠離外部刺激，以及那些你應該成為誰、你應該做什么的想法，這能讓你把握自己的價值觀，掌握你生活的前進方向。

2. 關注你的身體反應

在閱讀那份邀請郵件時，我立刻開始理智地思考整件事情。但接著我后退了一步，開始關注我身體的感覺，這是我從冥想中得到的經驗。隨后我發現，我的頭腦很混亂，但是我的身體已經給出了清楚的答案。

當我考慮接受邀請時，身體的所有肌肉都緊張了起來。但當我拒絕時，我感覺到身體都放松了下來。停下來聽聽身體的反應，我們就能知道潛意識里的直覺對生活怎么看。

3. 考慮最佳情況

我們通常會在決策前考慮最差的情況。不過這種思考方式很容易失控：“我應該接受這份工作，因為別的公司可能不會要我，那樣我的簡歷就會有段巨大的空白期。我再也找不到工作，只能住在河邊的面包里。于是我也找不到對象，只能與一群貓和雞做伴，最后孤獨死去。”噢，別瞎想了！

與其深陷于這些臆想的災難中，我選擇設想最好的情況，據此做出選擇。這讓我在決策時得以排除那些消極可怕的疑慮。我沒有考慮上文說的住在面包車里的情況，而是仔細思量是否應當接受邀請：“如果這個機遇能夠到來，其他機遇也一樣。我的重點是堅持自己的目標。”

我仍然在尋找自己的目標，但我知道這個選項并非我想要的。

4. 不要詢問直接的建議

相反，我會問一些親友，他們碰到某些情況會怎么做，而不是如果他們是我會怎么做。這之間有重要的差別：我求教的是決策思路，而不是決策本身。到最后，我需要自己下決定，因為要承擔后果的是我。

5. 培養“富足心態”

我們受到的教育告訴我們，現有的工作、資源、金錢、時間和空間永遠還不夠。與其陷入這種匱乏的心態，告訴自己：“如果我能像抓住這次機遇一樣，努力工作把握下次機遇，我就一定會成功。”聽到了嗎？一定會成功。眼下的機遇只有一個，以后還會有幾十個等著你。

6. 分析你的語調

當我的大腦讓我接受獎學金時，我聽到的是無力的辯護。當我傾聽讓我拒絕的聲音時，我聽到的是真誠的信念。在做出決定時，聽聽你的想法的質量——有時候它和內容一樣重要。

7. 不要害怕錯過

啊，害怕錯過是我們這一代的流行病。追求各種事情，“害怕錯過”，就像你沒病還要吃藥一樣。

生活只會前進，不會后退。即便我們錯過了，感到后悔，也必須繼續走下去。我們不能因為害怕后悔，就做到所有的一切。后悔是生活的一部分，我們的時間是有限的。決定我們每天想花時間干什么，是我們必須掌握的一項藝術。

8. 問自己：“這是我的出口嗎？”

一個朋友如此形容：“如果你在高速公路上，你前面那輛車在下一個出口出了高速公路，是否就意味著你也得在那個出口出去？”當然不是。你有自己的目的地，你需要清楚它在哪里——或至少，它不在哪里。

9. 擁抱你的恐懼

有時你必須確定你害怕什么，然后向那個方向前進。在我這個情況里，接受邀請很保險，短期來看是很容易做出的選擇。拒絕一件我想要但是理由不正確的事情，需要冒更大的風險。但我確信其中蘊含著真正的機遇。（財富中文網）

譯者：嚴匡正

I spent weeks preparing the application, went through two rounds of interviews, and finally, after months of anticipation, received an offer to join the 2016 class of a prestigious business fellowship. I was one of a dozen selected from hundreds, if not thousands, of applicants. And in the end, I said no.

Even as I write this I feel a tinge of regret. I mean, how could I say no to something that would have looked so good on my resume? And after all that work to finally get accepted? The network it would open up for me? The money?

Essentially my decision boiled down to a more important set of questions: Am I doing this because I really want to, or because it would look good? Am I doing this because I’m just too scared to say no?

Here’s a quick rundown of the strategies I used to find answers. Not only did they give me the confidence to turn down the fellowship, but they’re helpful for making a variety of major life decisions.

1. Try meditation

For me, this involved 10 days of intense, silent meditation in rural India. But you don’t have to travel to the other side of the world for the same effects. Instead, set aside a quiet meditation space where you can listen to your heart. What does it communicate when it’s not panicked and inundated with other people’s ideas?

Temporarily removing yourself from all external stimuli and ideas of who you should be and what you should do allows you to access your own values and take ownership of the direction you want your life to take.

2. Monitor your physical reactions.

When I read the email offering me the fellowship, I immediately began to process it on an intellectual level. But then I took a step back to pay attention to the sensations in my body, an idea I learned in meditation. As it turns out, my mind was terribly confused, but my body had already given a clear answer.

When I thought about accepting the offer, all the muscles in my body became tense, but when I imagined saying no, I felt a physical wave of relief. By pausing to listen to the body, we can tap into our subconscious instincts about life.

3. Consider the best-case scenario.

We often envision the worst-case scenario before making a decision. But this line of thinking can quickly spiral out of control: “I should take this job because maybe another one won’t come along and then I’ll have a huge gap on my resume and I’ll never get hired again and will have to live in a van down by the river and then no one will ever love me and I’ll die alone with a lot of cats and chickens.” Oh, come on!

Instead of getting bogged down in theoretical disasters, I chose to envision the best-case scenario and make decisions based on that. This allowed me to make a decision unclouded by destructive, crippling doubt. Instead of the above, van-by-the-river scenario, when ruminating over whether to accept the fellowship offer, I thought the following: “If this opportunity came into my life, so will many others. My priority is to stay on purpose.”

I’m still figuring out what that purpose is, but I know this particular option isn’t it.

4. Avoid asking for direct advice.

Instead, I asked a few people close to me how they would make a decision like this, not what they would decide if they were me. It’s an important distinction: I solicited frameworks of decision-making, rather than the decision itself. In the end, I needed to make the call because I was going to live with the consequences.

5. Cultivate an “abundance mentality”

We’re taught there are never enough jobs, resources, money, time and space. Instead of succumbing to this scarcity-driven mindset, tell yourself: “If I work as hard to secure the next opportunity as I did for this one, I’m bound to be successful.” Hear that?Bound to be successful. Where there’s one opportunity, a dozen more await.

6. Analyze your tone.

When I listened to the voice in my head telling me to accept the fellowship, I heard empty justification. When I listened to the voice telling me to say no, I heard sincere conviction. Listen to the quality of your thoughts when decision-making — sometimes, it’s just as important as the content.

7. Resist FOMO

Ah, the epidemic of our generation. Pursuing things out of the “fear of missing out” is like taking medicine when you’re not even sick.

Life moves forward, not backward. Even if we miss out and feel regret, we have to keep moving forward. We can’t do everything that comes our way because we’re scared of what regret tastes like. Regret is part of life, and our time is finite. Choosing how we want to spend our days is an art we must all master.

8. Ask yourself: “Is this my exit?”

A friend put it this way: If you’re on the highway and the car in front of you takes the next exit, does that mean you also get off the highway? Of course not. You have your own destination, and you have to be clear-minded about where that is — or, at least, isn’t.

9. Embrace your fears.

Sometimes you must identify what you fear and then proceed in that direction. In my case, accepting the job would have been the safe, easy thing to do on a short-term basis. Saying no to something I knew I only wanted for the wrong reasons was the riskier choice. But I’m convinced it’s where the real opportunity lies.