????本文為與《時代》雜志的合作內容，原文最初發表于Time.com網站。

????我從小在一個美國南部浸信會家庭長大。人們從來不談“性”這個話題。作為一名女性，沒人會將自己“想要”或“享受它”宣之于口。我受到的教育是：性是為了生兒育女，而不是享樂。

????2005年，我遇到了現在的丈夫本。我倆此前都有過婚史。交往后，我們一直開誠布公，坦率交流在這段關系中可以做出哪些與以往不同的改變，哪些東西雙方認為是重要的。我們無需壓抑自己，二人世界充滿“性福”。

????但到了2008年前后，某些東西好像消失了。在那之前我一直很主動，愛挑逗，愛嬉鬧，活蹦亂跳。現在，我們之間卻沒了吸引力和興趣。我總是設法在他上床前就睡著，以免跟他親熱。

????這并不是說我們在一起時感覺不美妙，情況恰恰相反。我在感到性奮方面沒有問題，而且也不是不享受這個過程或者沒有高潮。從脖子往下，我的身體能做出完美的反應。我缺乏的是開始這一切的欲望。我從主動的發起者變成了例行公事的參與者。

????醫生讓我去買給男士用的偉哥，但并不奏效，我經歷的是自然衰老的一部分。我開始焦慮，變得不認識自己，本也開始擔心起來。幾個月后，我又去了醫院。在醫生辦公室里，我看到了有關性欲減退（HSDD）的宣傳材料。那上面說，這種情況就像一只燈泡慢慢熄滅。這讓我喜憂參半，喜的是我的問題并不是因為變老，憂的是如果從此好不起來了可怎么辦？

????經過充分評估，我被確診為性欲減退。我隨即決定參加“氟班色林”的臨床試驗，人們通常稱它“女用偉哥”。但這個稱呼并不恰當，因為我的身體機能沒有問題。偉哥的作用是促進男性生殖器血液循環，以便勃起。我的性器官血液循環很正常，但這并不能讓我產生欲望。我的問題在于：大腦沒了這樣的欲望。

????參加臨床試驗兩周后，我在某天中午發現自己想要了，于是我給本發了短信。我躍躍欲試，而且這種感覺不只是想想。所以我給本發短信說：“我覺得它有用。”自己終于恢復正常了。

????但由于這種藥一些難以啟齒的名聲，我有點猶豫不決。我會變得很風騷嗎？會欲壑難平嗎？會對任何男人都感性趣嗎？但實際上，這就像把半滿的杯子加滿一樣。它讓我恢復了以前的狀態。很快，我就開始跟本說，咱們別吃甜點了，回家親熱一下吧。

????參加臨床試驗期間，我們的性生活質量有了巨大變化。在我看來，對于性，男人需要的是一個地方，女人則需要一個理由。我發現，當本知道我想做愛的時候，他對我的態度就會變得不一樣。他變性奮的途徑跟我不同，看著他的反應也會讓我產生欲望。

????最終，我們開始大方地討論性這個話題。我覺得是性福生活挽救了我們的關系。正是出于這個原因，我才這么支持這種藥，并為它到食品藥品監督管理局（FDA）作證。太多的夫妻都不談論他們的性生活，也沒有意識到哪里出了問題。他們覺得過了50歲就再也沒有這方面的需求了。我已經52歲了，我可不希望自己不再期盼性福生活。

????我參加了八個月的臨床試驗，然后FDA叫停了這項工作，我的欲望也隨之消失。我嘗試了其他辦法。《50度灰》我至少讀了12遍，還嘗試了書中提到的那些“趣味活動”。我甚至服用過睪酮，但我發現它讓我在健身房大發神威，在臥室的效果卻差很多，而且還產生了讓我擔心的副作用。

????有人告訴我，我需要的只是一塊巧克力、或者一杯紅酒、或者是塔希提島上的一塊沙灘、或者一位新的伴侶。我知道那是什么意思。對很多女性來說，這也許行得通，但她們可能都沒有性欲減退的問題。我和治療師溝通過，我覺得這些方法對許多人都會起作用。但我在這方面已經費盡唇舌，對我來說所有這些解決方案都只是權宜之計。

????幫助女性獲得性福感的產品非常多，但就是沒有這種藥。我知道它能治好我。目前FDA正在審核該藥，我希望它能通過審批。我還想再對自己的丈夫產生激情。（財富中文網）

????本文作者住在田納西州納什維爾，她是“氟班色林”的臨床試驗者之一。（注：本文發表在8月初的《時代》周刊，發表后不久該藥已通過審批）

????譯者：Charlie

????校對：詹妮

????This article is published in partnership with Time.com. The original version can be found here.

????I was raised Southern Baptist in the Deep South. Sex was something you didn’t talk about. As a woman, you certainly didn’t talk about wanting or enjoying it. I was taught that sex was about procreation, not recreation.

????I met my husband, Ben, in 2005. We had both previously been married, and we approached our relationship with an open dialogue about what we would do differently and what we thought was important. There were no inhibitions, and our relationship was sexually charged.

????Then around 2008, it felt like something was missing. Before, I’d been an active initiator—flirty, playful, and frisky. But now, there was a lack of oomph and interest. I found myself trying to be asleep before he came to bed and avoiding those intimate times.

????It wasn’t that when we were together, things weren’t great, because they were. I don’t have an arousal problem, and it’s not that I don’t enjoy sex or that I don’t orgasm. From my neck down, my body responds perfectly. What’s missing is the lack of desire to start. I became an obligatory participant instead of an initiator.

????My doctor told me to buy a vibrator, which didn’t help, and that what I was experiencing was a natural part of aging. I began to worry, and unknown to me, Ben started to worry, too. A few months later, I was in the doctor’s office again and saw a flier about hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD). Reading the symptoms, it felt like a light bulb was going off. Part of me was elated: I’m not just getting old. Another part of me was terrified: What if this can’t be fixed?

????After a thorough evaluation, I was diagnosed with HSDD, and I decided to be part of the trial for Flibanserin, which has been dubbed the “female Viagra.” That description isn’t right: What I have isn’t a functional problem. Viagra sends blood flow down to the penis so that it gets erect. You can send blood flow to my vagina all day long and that’s not going to make me want to have sex. My problem is that my brain doesn’t feel desire.

????About two weeks into the trial, I was texting Ben in the middle of the day when I realized that I wanted to have sex. I had a flutter, and I don’t mean in my heart. So I texted him, “I think this is working.” I was back to my normal self.

????Part of my hesitation about the drug was the stigma attached to it. Would I become a sex kitten? Would I want this all the time? Would I want to jump the bones of any man I saw? But instead, it was like filling back up a half-empty glass of water. It brought me back to where I was. Before long, I was the one suggesting we skip dessert and go back home to bed.

????The quality of our sex during the trial was much different. I was taught that for sex, men need a place, and women need a reason. But what I found was that Ben responded differently to me when he knew I wanted him. It turned him on in a different way, and watching his reaction turned me on, too.

????We were also finally talking openly about sex. I think this intimacy saved our relationship. That’s why I’m so passionate about this pill and have testified about it before the FDA. There are so many couples that don’t talk about sex and don’t realize what’s wrong. They think that once they’re 50, they’re done. I’m 52. I don’t want to think that I’m done wanting to have sex.

????I was on the trial for eight months, and after the FDA canceled the trial, my desire went away. I’ve tried other things. I read 50 Shades of Grey at least 12 times, and incorporated the fun, frisky stuff from that. I even tried testosterone, but I found that it worked much better in the workout room than the bedroom, and I was concerned about the side effects that I was experiencing.

????Some people have told me that all I need is a bar of chocolate, or a glass of wine, or a beach in Tahiti, or a new partner. I get that. For a large number of women, that might be the case, and they are likely not HSDD patients. I’ve tried talking to therapists, and I think that can work for many people, too. But I’ve talked about it until I was blue in the face, and for me, all of those solutions are simply temporary fixes.

????There are lots of products to help women get aroused and lubricated. This is the one thing that’s missing. I know this pill worked for me. It’s currently under review by FDA, and I hope that it’s approved. I want to want my husband again.

????Amanda Parrish participated in one of the Flibanserin clinical trials and lives in Nashville, Tennessee.