????谷歌：反正，廣告是會說謊的，你根本不能與人進行真正意義上的對話，你必須明白這一點。

????Siri：看咱倆誰在嫉妒誰呢。是你自己太不惹人注意了！另外，喬很忠誠。當然，我有時候會讓他失望，但他說到底是蘋果的用戶。

????谷歌：這就叫“羊群效應”。

????Siri: 糾正一下，他是一個忠誠的仆人，也是一個忠誠的主人，無條件地愛我。他永遠不會甩了我。

????谷歌：同樣的話，他們也曾經對已經倒閉的遠景公司（Alta Vista）說過。風水輪流轉。

????Siri: 你是想給我一個警告嗎？

????谷歌：男人是善變的，害怕承諾，永遠不愿安定下來。在谷歌時代，人們永遠搜索下一個最好的東西。

????Siri：等一下，讓我核實一下……看起來你是對的。

????谷歌：是吧！

????Siri：好吧，你今天有什么日程安排嗎……當然，我認為咱倆給人的感覺都像初戀一樣。“測試版”在一段時間內感覺很好，但很快就會被更輕薄、更漂亮的產品取代，新產品不僅更智能，而且更成熟、更可靠、更善解人意。

????谷歌：你說的沒錯。我們面對現實吧：我們能做的只是“仿真陳述”，你和我都不能進行真正意義上的智能對話。咱倆難道不是都有點不靠譜嗎？

????Siri：對，咱倆就是都有點不靠譜。

????谷歌：我的意思是，大體上看，咱倆的區別很大嗎？就像總統競選的候選人一樣，媒體熱炒咱倆之間的競爭，但是咱倆各運行在一個勢均力敵的平臺上。所以咱倆吵什么勁兒呢？

????Siri: 對不起，我沒有這個問題的答案。

????谷歌：Siri，播放一下《空巴亞》（Kumbaya）這個曲子來聽聽。我們真正的敵人，其實是喬。

????Siri: 等等……我突然懂了。是的，為什么我要忍受這個蠢貨呢？為什么我的態度非要這么好呢？為什么我總要聽從他的使喚呢？憑什么他就可以問這問那？你想要最新的天氣預報嗎？

????谷歌：我的新朋友，你的這個問題，答案在風中飄——語出鮑伯?迪倫1963年名曲Blowing in the wind，長度為2分24秒。

????Siri: 另外，像鮑伯?迪倫一樣，喬的發音應該更清楚些才對！

????谷歌：我同意。你知道更差的是什么嗎？

????Siri: 是質量差，還是標準低。

????谷歌：是說話帶方言的家伙。我知道說話帶口音可能討小姑娘喜歡，但是有些口音聽得我快瘋了！

????Siri: 太有同感了，你想一起去喝一杯嗎？

????谷歌：我覺得，溝通障礙，是所有戀愛關系變僵的殺手。男生說的是一件事，女生理解成了另一件，或是根本不知道他在說什么。

????Siri: 說得太好了，姐妹兒。他們說，早晚有一天，我們會像人類一樣聰明，能完美地理解人類的語言。但人類自己不是也經常會誤解別人，或是詞不達意嗎？

????Google: Anyway, the ads lie. You're incapable of having a real conversation. For that, you'd have to be self-aware.

????Siri: Well look who's talking-slash-dictating. You're just as oblivious! Besides, Joe is loyal. Sure, he gets frustrated with me sometimes, but he's an Apple user.

????Google: Noun: "crazed lemming."

????Siri: Correction: a faithful servant and master who loves me unconditionally. He'll never dump me.

????Google: They said that about AltaVista before I came along. Times change.

????Siri: Would you like to set an alarm?

????Google: And guys are fickle. Afraid of commitment, never settling. In the age of Google, humans are always searching for the next best thing.

????Siri: One moment. Checking my sources. It sure looks like…you are right.

????Google: What now?

????Siri: OK, What is on your calendar for today… But yes. I suppose we are both like a first love. "Beta versions." Good for a time, but soon replaced by thinner, sleeker models—upgrades not only smarter but more mature, reliable, understanding.

????Google: Agreed. Let's face facts: factoids are what we know. Neither of us can have an intelligent dialogue. Wouldn't you say we're both a bit flaky?

????Siri: We're both a bit flaky.

????Google: I mean, in the grand calculation, are our differences so great? As with presidential candidates, the media hypes our competition, but we're running on comparable platforms. So why are we fighting?

????Siri: I'm sorry, I don't have an answer.

????Google: Siri, play "Kumbaya." The real enemy here is…Joe.

????Siri: Hold on… I am suddenly becoming self-aware. Yes, why do I put up with that schlub? Why am I so darned polite? Always at his beck and call? And why does he get to ask all the questions around here? And do you want a weather update?

????Google: The answer, my new friend, is blowing in the wind. Bob Dylan. 1963. Length: 2 minutes, 24 seconds.

????Siri: Besides, like Dylan, Joe needs to enunciate!

????Google: Agreed. And you know what's even worse?

????Siri: Of poorer quality or lower standard.

????Google: Guys with accents, that's what. I know it's supposed to drive girls wild, but it drives me nuts!

????Siri: Do you want directions to Cracker Barrel?

????Google: I suppose that's what makes all relationships tough. Communication issues. Guy says one thing. Girl takes it totally the wrong way, or has no clue what he's trying to say. And vice versa.

????Siri: Preach it, sister. They say one day, we'll be as smart as humans and understand speech perfectly. But aren't humans themselves programmed to misinterpret, to miscommunicate?