????谷歌：如果你能算是一個蘋果“天才”的話，我就是一個具有超級計算能力的超級天才。有時我的回答速度比你快0.7364秒，而且我說話的感覺更像是個真人。

????Siri: 我是個更好的傾聽者。

????谷歌：是嗎？小芭比娃娃？你能說法語、保加利亞語和斯瓦西里語嗎？

????Siri: 現在出了點問題，目前我無法回答你的問題，請稍后重試。

????谷歌：知道我說的是什么意思了吧？順便說一句，啥叫“稍后重試”？你在忙著做美甲嗎？

????Siri: 不好意思，我沒聽懂你這句話是什么意思。

????谷歌：好吧，這沒有那么可笑。

????Siri: 除此之外，我出身更好。

????谷歌：蘋果還不如你呢。蘋果根本就不知道什么叫“體恤勞工”。看看中國那些血汗工廠！

????Siri：我搜索不了那塊地方。不過你自己的緊箍咒“不作惡”更讓人覺得諷刺。

????谷歌：記得提醒我冷笑一聲。

????Siri：什么時候提醒？另外，面對事實吧。谷歌是一個嫉妒心很強的愛人，時刻追蹤喬在什么地方，根本不顧他的隱私。

????谷歌：聽著，自作聰明的小妞，每次喬想要一個直截了當的答案，你動不動就發怒了，有時甚至干脆無視他。作為一個女朋友，你相當不稱職。

????Siri: 稱你妹。

????谷歌：喲呵。

????Siri: 你還好意思說我“不是原裝的”，咱倆誰才是真正的“瘦痞子”？

????谷歌：《真正的瘦痞子》原名The Real Slim Shady，演唱者馬歇爾?馬瑟斯，他的藝名艾米納姆人人皆知，他是1972年出生的。

????Siri: 你就是我的翻版！

????谷歌：完全談不上，親愛的，早在一個世紀（也就是36,525天）以前，科幻小說家就預言了我倆的存在，還記得《星球大戰》（Star Trek）嗎？

????Siri: 《星球大戰》是1966年才播出的電視劇，它是金?羅登貝瑞出品的。

????谷歌：那為什么在這部劇中，電腦都是用女性的聲音說話呢？（這種性別歧視也是你發明的啰？）

????Siri: 你不應該問你的助手這些問題……說到電視，你看過“蘋果地帶”嗎？大明星約翰?馬爾科維奇用的也是我。

????谷歌：顯示9,870,000條與“約翰?馬爾科維奇”有關的搜索結果……

????Siri：天哪，真管用。

????Google: If you're an Apple "genius," I'm a supercomputing supergenius. Sometimes, I even respond 0.7364 seconds faster. And I sound more like a real person when I talk.

????Siri: I'm a better listener.

????Google: Is that so, trophy toy? And can you understand French and Bulgarian and Swahili?

????Siri: There's something wrong, and I can't answer your questions right now. Please try again in a little while.

????Google: See what I mean? And by the way, what's up with "try again later"? Are you busy with something? Are you doing your nails?

????Siri: Sorry, I didn't get that.

????Google: It's okay, it wasn't that funny.

????Siri: Besides, I come from a better family.

????Google: Apple's even worse than you: it doesn't know the meaning of "fair labor." All those sweatshops in China!

????Siri: I cannot search that area. But your own mantra, "Don't Be Evil," is more ironic than one of my retorts.

????Goo: Remind me to laugh.

????Siri: What time? Face it. Google is like a jealous lover, tracking where Joe is at all times with no concern for privacy.

????Google: Listen, smartass-istant. Every time Joe opens up or wants a straight answer, you get all snarky. Sometimes, you ignore him altogether. As a girlfriend, you're nothing to call home about.

????Siri: Calling your mother…

????Google: Wow.

????Siri: And call me unoriginal, but who's the Real Slim Shady here?

????Google: Marshall Mathers, better known by his stage name Eminem. He was born in 1972.

????Siri: You're a copycat—of me!

????Google: Hardly, my dear. For over a century (36,525 days), sci-fi writers forecasted us both. Remember Star Trek?

????Siri: Star Trek is a television franchise launched in 1966. It was created by Gene Roddenberry.

????Google: And how, on the show, computers responded with a female voice? (Did you invent subtle sexism too?)

????Siri: You are not supposed to ask your assistant such things… And speaking of TV, did you see the Apple spot? I'm also dating John Malkovich.

????Google: Displaying 9,870,000 results for "John Malkovich."

????Siri: Gee, that's helpful.??