????男女約會時的一個經典的權力游戲是多等幾天再給對方回電話，我們大多都曾親身實踐過這個策略，或者受過它的折磨。然而，Verizon和美國銀行（Bank of America）最近的收費風波告訴我們，其實，這個策略對于企業應當如何與顧客打交道也有一定的啟迪。

????20世紀初，社會學家維拉德?維勒通過對大學本科生戀愛關系的研究提出了“最低興趣原則”。他指出，我們自己對和他人之間關系的感受取決于我們對這段關系的公平感和投入程度。在這一關系中（表面上）投入最少或興趣最低的一方掌握著最大的權力?！白畹团d趣的一方”其權力緣于他有能力在不同的互動關系中利用雙方興趣的落差，這些互動關系囊括了購買商品時的討價還價、說服老板加薪的談話，乃至成功敲定周六晚上與心上人的約會。

????大多數人在商場和個人感情中都竭力謀取權力，這一點聽起來可能并不令人驚訝。我們在追求“最低興趣方”所具有的權力時所陷入的行為模式才是真正值得探討的問題。

????我曾研究過一些高度渴望獲得成功的人士，我的團隊和我本人都反復觀察到，這些動力十足的人由于感覺自己與他人的關系失衡，最終破壞了自己在工作中的各種人際關系。人際關系中的不公平感可能導致我們采取一些只會激化矛盾的行動，形成一個毀滅性的惡性循環，無法自拔。

????這種惡性循環大致如下：某人感覺到他的下屬、合伙人、配偶、老板或其他某個相關方在雙方關系中的興趣更低。隨著情緒的引線越變越短，他或許會開始因為這種不平衡而采取行動，比如小題大做，一點小事就大發雷霆；開始對同事和家人吹毛求疵等等。

????他可能會以毒攻毒，開始刻意疏遠對方，試圖靠冷落對方重新獲得權力和控制力。這種策略只會觸發另一方作出相似的回應，形成一個不斷自動強化的惡性循環，導致猜疑與誤解日益加深。

????這些人不是選擇進行一次雖然困難但卻必要的對話，找出問題的癥結并加以解決，而是一味擔心再也無法重新占據優勢，因此簡單地繼續這一循環，幻想形勢能夠誤打誤撞地自動恢復平衡。這些人不是率先反思自己的焦慮與不安全感，而是猛烈批評對方，責怪對方才是導致關系惡化的根源。

????最低興趣方所擁有的權力可能會導致人們用冷漠的假象隱蔽自我，而不是采取必要行動、承擔必要風險，在信任的基礎上建構人際關系。要想跳出這種零和權力游戲，必須心甘情愿地示弱，同時坦誠地面對自己和他人，愿意承認、控制權力的失衡，而不是放任這種失衡吞噬自我。當今世界，我們與他人之間的真實或虛擬的聯系（以及這些聯系帶來的權力角力）都日益復雜，上述法則很難做到，但卻至關重要。

????We've all fallen victim to or been perpetrator of the classic dating power play – waiting just a few days longer before calling. But this tactic can teach companies a thing or two on how they should be dealing with their customers, especially in light of Verizon (VZ) and Bank of America's (BAC) relatively recent fee fiascos.

????The "principle of least interest," developed by sociologist Willard Willer from his studies of dating relationships among college undergraduates in the early 20th century, explains that how we feel about a relationship with another person depends on our perceptions of fairness or level of investment in that relationship. The party who holds the most power in that relationship is the one who is (or appears) least invested or interested. The power of "least interest" stems from an ability to exploit that difference in interest during various interactions, ranging from negotiations over the purchase of something desirable, to convincing your boss to give you a raise, to landing a date for Saturday night.

????It may not sound surprising to suggest that most of us jockey for power in our business and personal relationships. The real insight comes from understanding the patterns of behavior that we fall into while pursuing the power of "least interest."

????In a study I did on high-need-for-achievement personalities, my team and I observed over and over how these driven individuals sabotage their own relationships at work in their reaction to perceived asymmetries with others. Feelings of inequity in relationships cause us to act out in ways that only exacerbate the problem, and can create destructive cycles that are hard to break.

????The downward spiral looks something like this: A person perceives that his subordinate, partner, spouse, boss, or some other party has less interest in a relationship. He may begin to act out in reaction to the imbalance -- pouting or getting unnecessarily angry over small incidents, becoming more critical of others at work and at home -- as his emotional fuse grows increasingly short.

????He may fight fire with fire, distancing himself in those relationships in an attempt to regain power and control through expressing less interest. These tactics trigger a similar reaction from the other person, resulting in a self-reinforcing loop of distrust and misunderstanding.

????Rather than having a difficult but necessary conversation to identify and resolve the issues at hand, these individuals fear that nothing can be done to get them back in favor and simply continue the cycle in the vain hope that things will somehow balance out. Instead of first reflecting on his own anxieties and insecurities, the individual lashes out at others, placing the blame for the foundering relationship on them.

????The power of least interest can cause people to cloak themselves in indifference rather than take the effort and the risks needed to build relationships based on trust. Escaping these zero-sum power games requires a willingness to be vulnerable and honest with yourself and others, to recognize and manage power imbalances while not allowing them to consume you. This is a tall but critical order in a world where our physical and virtual connections to others (and their associated power dynamics) are only growing more complicated.